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US virus leak linked to unwashed coffee mug

Wiping his hands on his trousers after a bathroom break, the Head of the Centre for Disease Control explained: 'I haven't seen a toothbrush in weeks. What's the point? I feel more natural this way. Hmmm? The large weeping sore on my forehead? Oh that. Yeah, I don't know what that came from. I probably should stop scratching that with this rusty spatula.

‘Look, so what, if we pick our noses with swabs or lick the petri dishes? Bacteria may be small, but at least it stays with you. Not like Julie. She doesn't answer my texts. When she walked out, I just stopped making an effort. Biosafety is meaningless if you don't have someone to hold. Julie. Juuuuulie! I miss you. I'm sorry I left nail clippings in the salad bowl.'

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