Guests attending the wedding of lovebirds Anna and Jamie have been explicitly instructed to supply cash to the happy couple NOT physical gifts - with a charming but angry poem in the invitation.
Rebecca is an old friend of Anna's and went to a cash point as soon as she got her invite through despite the actual wedding being several months away: 'I already have the money in an envelope ready to go. I'm terrified I'll forget it. I'm not sure what the penalty is for late payment and I don't want want to find out. Normally I would find it a bit rude if a friend demanded money from me but because they put it in a cute semi-rhyming poem on high quality embossed card I can't hold it against them. It reads as follows:
We can't wait to spend our special day with you, But please let us give you a little tip or two, Having you there on our wedding day, Is all we really need, but please let us say: We don't want your shite gifts We want cold hard CASH you can shove all those b*llocks wedding gifts up your arse we don't want them if you're coming to eat and drink in 5* luxury at our expense the least you can do is give us £100 for the privilege you tight b*stards.
Carriages at midnight. RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org'.
The happy couple are planning a honeymoon in Barbados with their winnings where they want to thank their benefactors by posting a series of smug pictures on Instagram followed with #blessed. When they return they are considering buying their first house so are already planning an extravagant anniversary party with a similar money extortion sub-plot.