In the event of a ‘yes’ vote for Scottish Independence, politicians south of the border would like to retain specific conjugal rites without any of those awkward commitment issues. In particular, Westminster would appreciate it if Scotland would not change any of the locks and keep wearing those pretty tartan skirts.
‘Breaks-ups don’t have to be messy,’ said a Ministry of Defense spokeswoman. ‘We propose to turn the Faslane Trident base into no-strings-attached weapons dump. And to allow us a bit of ‘slap n’ tickle’ with Andy Murray, whenever the mood takes us’.