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Worst performing motorway services to trial prostitution

Updated: Jun 21, 2022

In a bid to improve customer satisfaction ratings the lowest performing motorway services have been given the green light to turn on the red light.

A minister in the Department for Transport’s back office explained: ‘A recent survey highlighted disparities in the level of service provided by motorway services. We’ve created special ‘comfort’ zones at services that aren’t subject to regular trading laws. It’s similar to being served alcohol at 6am at the airport, only instead of a Harvey, it’ll be a Heston Wallbanger.’

It’s hoped that by providing executive relief to drivers, the knock-on effect of a relaxed state of mind will reduce instances of aggressive driving behaviour and provide a safer and more courteous motorway experience.

Services have also been given permission to utilise matrix signs to entice customers, with these messages due to be displayed: ‘Fantasising whilst driving puts imaginary lives in danger. Pull in after next junction’, ‘Long journey and partner asleep? Keep your motor running until next exit’ and ‘Clockweights like cantaloupes? Servicing in 4 miles’.

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