‘You’ve got the hearing-impaired, the partially sighted, same-sex this, transgender that… It’s impossible to keep up, but one does one’s best.’
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‘Normally I just stare at a wall from two-inches away with a blank expression in-between operating systems, but this time something different happened’
‘People who have stockpiled air in li-los, bicycle tyres, party balloons and inflatable women are acting irresponsibly.’
‘Players take on the role of the Prussian Chancellor, Count Otto Von Bismarck, and try to reunify Germany without catching syphilis.
A nationwide fitness standard is to be introduced, which will include ‘weight training’, ‘whipped cream guzzling’ and ‘gyrating’ for an hour to ‘It’s Raining Men’.