NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

Barbeque was definitely worth the extra effort

Children finally got to eat their barbecued chicken at 11.30pm.

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Fight after snooker champions ‘never put no coins on table’

‘A couple of lads claimed they were next on the table.’

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Cashpoints now asking if you can really afford it

Customers of the leading high street banks have reported that automated telling machines are becoming increasingly stingy and obstructive. Since the credit crunch started to bite earlier in the year, a number of cashpoints have started to give vague excuses about not having the right change on them, displaying messages suggesting that you might be asking for too much or just showing half an inch of the notes requested, but then refusing to actually let go of the cash.

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Election decided on penalties

Back of the net!  If that's OK with you, Nick?With political stalemate gripping Westminster it was agreed yesterday that the outcome of the 2010 British General Election be decided by a penalty shoot-out.  

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Severely drunk community demand rights, extra chili sauce, no salad

protesters saved a bit for 'besht mate' Dave CameronThousands of extremely inebriated men and women zig-zagged their way from Trafalgar Square to Downing Street late last night to deliver their hand-written, barely legible charter to the Prime Minister, demanding a fairer deal for tanked-up British citizens.

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