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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Number of TV cops exceeds real cops by 2022

Due to cutbacks and binge watching ‘Line of Duty’, the UK’s police force is now primarily made up of graduates of Drama School and actors resting between series of ‘Death in Paradise’....

4
Wrenfoe 14.04.21 10:34am
Al OPecia
CHESS LATEST: Queen's gambit Duke to Morgue 3 leaves future King in check 1
oshaughnessy 14.04.21 10:34am
Lockjaw54
Biggins to resume first official duties since easing of lockdown

Actor, raconteur and national treasure Christopher Biggins has carried out his first official engagement since the easing of lockdown., Biggins - who is appearing as The Fairy Godmother in the...

2
Gerontius 14.04.21 10:33am
Sinnick
"To Save The Planet" And Other Ludicrous Reasons To Become Vegan

The woke brigade may be out in force trying to convince us veganism is the future but here we dispell those myths with fact based proof that they are definitely all a bunch of nutters. 1. Lots of...

4
BangingOnAgain 14.04.21 10:33am
Al OPecia
Amendment to events at Tokyo Olympics expected.

Chair of the Tokyo Olypmic Committee, Mrs Seiko Watchtime, has announced some changes to reflect the current World Pandemic and Crises in General. A fuller briefing is expected nearer the opening...

0
Lockjaw54 14.04.21 10:32am
Lockjaw54
US troops to leave Afghanistan by 11th September & return by 12th September 0
oshaughnessy 14.04.21 10:17am
oshaughnessy
Cameron raises the bar in "Worst Prime-Minister" contest

Former prime-minister, David Cameron, has returned to deliver what appears to be a impossibly high level of greed and incompetence. Mr Cameron issued a statement; "There has been talk of me being...

4
apepper 14.04.21 9:51am
Al OPecia
No data breach not at Facebook never happened again

A social network no one has ever heard of denies that another non-data breach has not taken place and it absolutely has not affected half a billion users. But that's because if it admitted there had...

2
SteveB 14.04.21 9:42am
Myke
The southern tribes still mourning the death of Prince Philip

The southern tribes still mourning the death of Prince Philip Tribal communities across the south and south east are still in deep mourning following the death of Prince Philip, the Queen's consort...

4
Gerontius 14.04.21 9:09am
Gerontius
Chris Whitty seen approaching Whitehall wielding x- and y- axes 1
gibbet 14.04.21 8:42am
Al OPecia
‘All things must pass’ advises Gastroenterologist

This reassuring advice has been given to Simon Kosmatka (37) who had inadvertently swallowed a series of cherry stones, after inhaling a home-made fruit salad, without pausing to chew. Simon who has...

0
Wrenfoe 14.04.21 8:25am
Wrenfoe
Rabbits fear roll-out of Mixamydoses vaccine trial. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 14.04.21 8:19am
Al OPecia
Tories Demonstrate Secret Of Success: Only Ally Yourself With COMPETENT Cronies

Or rather, perhaps, demonstrate the inverse: the secret of disaster is to not just to be corrupt, but be corrupted by incompetent cronies. Ferries, PPE, dodgy loans to insolvent companies, anyone? ...

0
Titus 14.04.21 8:00am
Titus
"To Save The Planet" And Other Ludicrous Reasons To Become Vegan

The woke brigade may be out in force trying to convince us veganism is the future but here we dispell those myths with fact based proof that they are definitely all a bunch of nutters. 1. Lots of...

0
BangingOnAgain 14.04.21 7:38am
BangingOnAgain
Labour Has No Cronies, So Objects To Tory 'Cronyism'

Let's face it, if [i]you[/i] were a ruthlessly ambitious businessman, would [i]you[/i] bother to spend lots of time and money trying to curry favour with the Labour party? ...

0
Titus 14.04.21 7:32am
Titus
Queen’s return to duties 4 days after DoE’s death “shows contempt” says Farage

More faux outrage soon...

0
Benvoleo 14.04.21 6:54am
Benvoleo
Lambeth cluster something we can all build on, say middle class 0
Myke 14.04.21 4:21am
Myke
N.I. riots could still have happenned inside the EU, says Brussels spokesman.

More provocation later...

27
MzWibble 14.04.21 1:31am
Benvoleo
"Woops it's a gun!" And Other Hilarious Mix Ups!

Mix ups happen all the time, here's some of the most common face palm moments we all have from time to time: 1. Mistaking the shaving cream for toothpaste, LOL, 2. Using the shampoo as shower...

0
BangingOnAgain 13.04.21 11:22pm
BangingOnAgain
For Sale: Taser. Never used. One careless owner. 7
camz 13.04.21 11:02pm
BangingOnAgain
Hairdressers Share Highlights And Lowlights of Reopening

DISCLAIMER: All Puns Fully Intended As salons across the UK are opening their doors once again, some are sharing their most hair raising experiences so far. With demand high, many clients are...

0
BangingOnAgain 13.04.21 10:59pm
BangingOnAgain
Yosser Hughes insists he ‘complied with rules’ when lobbying Govt to gizza job

Yosser Hughes has said he followed rules when lobbying the Government on behalf of a finance company to gizza job but accepted he should have communicated ‘through only the most formal of...

4
MzWibble 13.04.21 8:25pm
MzWibble
Back up Your brain but not now! - 23789

Scientists who are intellectually challenged, announced an important step forward today, this being that in 2 decades from now, when the vast majority of us, will be in wooden overcoats, we will be...

250
Kazytc 13.04.21 8:02pm
Al OPecia
Sports Direct to start selling Non Fungible Tokens

Sports retailer and leading seller of 'athleisure' products, Sports Direct announced a surprise move into the new FinTec world of Non Fungible Tokens (NFTs) today. A spokesperson for much loved CEO...

0
Max Stars 13.04.21 7:24pm
Max Stars
Over 50 people in France offered vaccine.

Down from last week, when over 60 people were offered a jab...

2
MzWibble 13.04.21 6:52pm
Benvoleo
BBC to run simultaneous Covid Deaths and Prince Philip Complaints Counters 0
camz 13.04.21 6:38pm
camz
Prince Philip funeral moved to avoid clash with Kilmarnock V Montrose Cup tie

The funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh has been pushed back to Sunday at 3PM to avoid clashing with the Kilmarnock versus Montrose fourth-round Scottish Cup tie on Saturday afternoon, the Palace has...

1
harrypalmer 13.04.21 6:23pm
Sir Lupus
New MasterChef finalists revealed: Reheated & Served Cold 1
theboyinthebubble 13.04.21 5:54pm
MzWibble
Band split with guitar playing dad because he's their dad

The announcement was made by the Torrance sisters - Lily (15), Nancy (14) and Beth (12) - on Saturday morning at a family meeting around the kitchen table. A crestfallen Danny "three chords and the...

6
Paul L 13.04.21 4:56pm
Paul L
UK urged to pause use of Johnson & Johnson & Johnson 0
deskpilot3 13.04.21 4:51pm
deskpilot3