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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
New EU Flag To Have One-Star-Gap To Show Their Grief At Our Departure 5
Titus 26.01.20 10:10pm
Man who teachers said would never amount to anything actually doesn't

In a reversal of the usual dynamic, it was revealed today that a man whose teachers at school had constantly told him he was useless and would never amount to anything has, in adult life, proved to...

YaBasta 26.01.20 8:01pm
Boris starts to manage expectations: HS2 renamed S2 2
deskpilot3 26.01.20 7:49pm
Coronavirus causing older people to take empty pop bottles back to shop for 10p 2
SarahTipper 26.01.20 7:33pm
Isle of Wight to get red buttons

Satan's Thimble, the most popular haberdashers in Shanklin, has advertised on the parish wall that it will be taking delivery of one bushel of red buttons in good time for the vernal equinox. The...

Crayon 26.01.20 7:01pm
TRANSFER NEWS: Heart shaped one worn off. Anchor soaking in a saucer of water 2
Ian Searle 26.01.20 6:28pm
I've seen the future, says Trump, and future is FMT!

At the White House a jubilant POTUS was quoted as saying, "When this story hits the fan, everyone's gonna forget that impeachment bullshit. And I wanna thank my old friend Bojo, or Bozo, or whatever...

granger 26.01.20 4:41pm
After Brexit European Lovers Of Cricket &Warm Beer Queue Up To Join Commonwealth

However, Anglophiles on the mainland have, for the time being, abandoned their campaign to have our monarch deemed 'Queen Elizabeth II of England & Queen Elizabeth I of Europe' (sorry, QE I,...

Titus 26.01.20 4:26pm
Quarantined because of corona virus? Write for Newsbiscuit before you die. 0
Mick Turate 26.01.20 3:18pm
Mick Turate
OED defines "Woke" as meaning "A young Wookie" 0
Sinnick 26.01.20 3:09pm
Eating stir fry thrice in January not the key to amazing new physique

In an attempt to become both buff and hench in the year twenty twenty Joe Bloggs has eaten stir fry once a week. He bought a wok from the John Lewis sale then the next day spotted an Iceland wok deal...

SarahTipper 26.01.20 3:08pm
Panic hits Isle of Wight as BBC turns off the red button service. 1
deskpilot3 26.01.20 2:02pm
Scots Unimpressed By Labour Promotion Of Vegan Haggis Made From Organic Thistles

Development of alcoholic-free whisky also put on hold. 'Awa wi' ye!' said professional Scotsman Jimmy McSporran 'Ye almost had me there for a wee while, wi' yon word "free".' [More tired old...

Titus 26.01.20 1:54pm
Labour Revival Ensured By Promising Free Thistles 'To All Scotch Persons' 0
Titus 26.01.20 1:17pm
OK We Got A Virus, Says China, But We Can Cope; It's Not A Disaster, Like Brexit 0
Titus 26.01.20 1:10pm
Pandemic Spread By Handling Cooking Utensils, Find Scientists

[Must have been done before. Apologies.] ...

Titus 26.01.20 1:06pm
Brexit-Voting Englishman tearfully admits he didn’t fight in World War II

Gary Pike 58, of Burnham-on-Crouch has stunned his friends, neighbours and people he argues in flat-roof pubs with, by admitting that he actually has no idea what the “spirit of the blitz” is and...

jamesrobert92 26.01.20 12:33pm
Amazon buys horse and cart to extend service to Isle Of Wight 0
Mick Turate 26.01.20 12:22pm
Mick Turate
Man paints stuff in the house to prove he’s not hungover

Middle-aged man, Steve Daniels, woke up after an unremarkable night-out with a burning desire to take on productive DIY tasks, it has emerged. Before going out, Daniels, 43, assured his wife that he...

A.Mantra 26.01.20 12:10pm
Brexiteers reach fever pitch over BBC Chinese New Year coverage

A group of ardent Brexit supporters has sent an open letter to the BBC slamming the corporation for its recent coverage of Chinese New Year celebrations. In the letter it's argued that in light of...

Chipchase 26.01.20 11:54am
Commemorative 10 Shilling note unveiled. 2
Micca 26.01.20 11:35am
Terry Bunn
Coronavirus 'really worrying' for eBay customers

The government COBRA committee is convening to see if the Coronavirus outbreak is serious enough to affect UK commerce. 'Tens of thousands of people buy goods that originate in China every day, and...

throngsman 26.01.20 10:54am
Mick Turate
Expedition to search for Boris Johnson's integrity gets underway

In a startling scientific and medical first, just like like something from a Hollywood sci-fi blockbuster, a team of micro divers has been assembled and has entered the bloodstream of Boris Johnson...

Chipchase 25.01.20 10:19pm
Sir Lupus
Riverdance line up solves Irish border crisis.

With its strong Eurovision roots and amazing feel good factor, an agreement has at last been reached for the Riverdance line up to form a soft border between the Irish Republic and the United Kingdom...

Dick Everyman 25.01.20 10:11pm
Sir Lupus
Man curiously keen to see Margot Robbie film about sexual harassment

Returning home after seeing the film Bombshell with a few girlfriends, Mrs Beryl Crabtree of Carshalton was surprised to find her husband Arthur saying he was keen to see it too. Despite never...

YaBasta 25.01.20 9:44pm
Statue of Liberty to "cough" to mark the Coronavirus reaching US shores

Taking a leaf out of Boris Johnson's [i]Big Book of Cool Ideas for Kids[/i], President Donald Trump has decided to raise half a million dollars to have the iconic Statue of Liberty "cough and maybe...

Laine Slater 25.01.20 7:52pm
Laine Slater
NHS ready for Burn's Night. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.01.20 6:05pm
Morrisons moves 3,000 managers to the clearance aisle. 0
deskpilot3 25.01.20 5:46pm
London Brothel launches High Mileage Vaginal Candle range 0
beckfordburger 25.01.20 4:12pm
US Fears That Corona Virus From China May Have Huawei Software Hidden In It 0
Titus 25.01.20 3:58pm