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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Zoo animals may need putting down; MPs in Parliament worried 0
thackaray 05.06.20 12:14am
Test and Trace team 'disappointed' at Alok Sharma diagnosis

With the business secretary visibly falling ill with Coronavirus-like symptoms, the country's entire 25000 Track and Trace team went into full alert. 'We haven't actually had any real people to...

throngsman 04.06.20 9:29pm
The Charge of the Right Brigade

I, Half a league, half a league,, Half a league onward,, All in the Commons of Death,    Rode the six hundred., “Forward, the Right Brigade!, Charge for the votes!” he said., Into the...

Gerontius 04.06.20 7:02pm
'So I slept in a swimming pool, so what?' says Cummings

Responding to reports that the premises Dominic Cummings' family lived in to isolate in has only been granted planning permission as an indoor swimming pool, the soon to be former aide said, 'lots of...

throngsman 04.06.20 6:34pm
Sir Lupus
Face masks compulsory from June 15th. Face masks, not burqas or niqabs. 0
dominic_mcg 04.06.20 6:10pm
'We're gonna need a bigger face mask' says Susanna Reid 0
SteveB 04.06.20 4:56pm
Johnson and Cummings star in new kids programme: Dim and Dom in da Bungling 1
Oxbridge 04.06.20 4:40pm
Similar to existing post - removed 0
apepper 04.06.20 4:19pm
Debenhams to reopen after lockdown, shoppers unsure why they're bothering. 0
MADJEZ 04.06.20 3:55pm
Monty Don denies damaging ‘new trousers’ rumour

Rumpled womanbait presenter Monty Don has denied rumours that he was wearing new trousers in a recent TV programme about the campaign to stop the forcing of rhubarb. ‘These trousers may look new...

CulchaVulcha 04.06.20 3:48pm
Black Lives Matter disbanded after man on Twitter points out ALL lives matter

The Black Lives Matter movement has been disbanded after a man on Twitter pointed out that surely ALL lives matter, and to focus only on one race, in the name of combating racism, is itself racist,...

Vertically Challenged Giant 04.06.20 3:16pm
How about we throw in the following Saturday too? offers Art Of The Deal author 0
SteveB 04.06.20 3:05pm
Former Home Secretary beats coronavirus due to Hurd Immunity 0
beckfordburger 04.06.20 3:02pm
Keir Starmer left baffled after Boris Johnson 'gets his dad onto him'

Labour Leader Keir Starmer is said to have been left gobsmacked and baffled yesterday evening in Westminster following an encounter in the street were he was approached by Boris Johnson and his dad....

Chipchase 04.06.20 2:57pm
NYPD cop 'not kneeling, but had been shot' claim 0
Max Stars 04.06.20 2:20pm
Max Stars
BAME community changes designation to BLAME as it welcomes lesbians 0
Max Stars 04.06.20 2:16pm
Max Stars
ISIS threatens to sue US police in demarcation dispute

Terror leaders have expressed their frustration with American law enforcement, which seems determined to keep the nation in a state of terror. “The whole idea is that [i]we [/i]sow death and...

deceangli 04.06.20 2:08pm
Shock & Outrage As Man Expresses 'Indifference' Whether Cummings Goes Or Stays

In other news:, _ _ _ 'Martians Land. 1st Question Asked By Earth Journalists Is 'Do YOU Guys Think Dominic Cummings Should Have Resigned?".', _ _ _ '[i]The Archers[/i] Now To Be Broadcast...

Titus 04.06.20 1:35pm
Alok Sharma only attended Parliament "to test eyesight". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 04.06.20 1:01pm
'Octopus ahead in arms race' gag disapproved of by Durga

[Could replace with Brahma/Shiva/Vishnu, but it should be Durga]...

SteveB 04.06.20 12:41pm
Social distancing in schools 'impractical', warn bullies

The government's ongoing plan for a phased return to schools while still obeying social distancing requirements are ill-conceived and impractical, according to spokes-psychos representing school...

Oxbridge 04.06.20 12:35pm
Rees-Mogg introduces fast-track wristband to avoid Parliament queues 0
SimonJJames 04.06.20 12:34pm
Barry Gardiner broke lockdown to test for colour blindness. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 04.06.20 12:34pm
Trump insists he was only visiting the White House for an inspection

Donald Trump has insisted that he only visited the White House for a tiny, short, little period of time, and any suggestions that he is the President and should be leading and uniting a divided...

Vertically Challenged Giant 04.06.20 12:12pm
Al OPecia
"Best thing we've ever did", declares born again articial lawn evangalist

Local man, Simon Bryanston, who recently converted from a real to an artificial lawn, has declared himself "born-again" and has embarked on a life long mission to evangalise to everyone who will...

SimonJJames 04.06.20 12:02pm
MAGA to be changed to MTSA: Make Turds Shine Again

After failing to Make America Great Again, Donald Trump has moved to Plan B - Make Turds Shine Again. “People said it couldn’t be done, you can’t polish a turd”, the President said. “But...

deceangli 04.06.20 11:53am
1970s: Trump was ‘inspecting’ places other than Vietnam 0
deceangli 04.06.20 11:32am
Coward of the County to be renamed ‘Inspector of the County’ 1
deceangli 04.06.20 11:18am
Vegan friends ‘not worth it’ say experts

The distress caused by friendship with vegans outweighs the health benefits usually associated with friendship, studies reveal. "It isn’t just the complications at mealtimes or the embarrassing...

deceangli 04.06.20 10:44am
'Our virus is better than your virus' claims Putin, reigniting cold war 0
SteveB 04.06.20 10:37am