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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
NHS Dental Typo Causes Widespread Panic: "Plague Epidemic"

Think about it...

camz 24.02.20 2:00am
Man refused entry to Belgium for "not speaking French"

A middle-aged man, Nigel Farage, has been turned away at the border to Belgium despite having worked in Brussels for 30 years because he can't speak French. Mr Farage spoke from the Eurostar about...

apepper 24.02.20 12:21am
Council ends racism, child abuse and bigotry through unlimited pamphlet printing

Suburbiton Council has successfully brought racism, sexism, domestic violence, global warming and social inequality to a halt, through a series of pamphlets printed in a selected range of languages....

StoopyDeGunt 24.02.20 12:03am
Your guide to the rest of the storm season

With Britain's weather worsening, the Met Office has warned that storms can be expected every other weekend for the foreseeable future. Following established practice, those coming next after Storm...

Oxbridge 23.02.20 10:12pm
Barman in gastro pub forms breakaway Fucking Slow Food Movement

The Slow Food Movement is facing a challenge from an apparent breakaway movement, whose leader works behind the bar at Ye Olde Gastro Pub, in Kingston on Thames. Whereas The Slow Food Movement aims...

ronseal 23.02.20 8:57pm
Corbyn visits flood victims just to show he can walk on water. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 23.02.20 8:55pm
I didn't really want more details, I just wanted to go home early, admits man

A man on the other end of your email has admitted to three charges of Aggravated Prevarication after a series of complaints in which he: repeatedly ASKED for more details, requested everything IN...

ronseal 23.02.20 8:31pm
Man furious and resentful after inspirational book gives him an impossible brief

A man was hopping mad yesterday after a book that exhorted him to "Live Life to the Full"was found to lack several crucial details. "I'm told that life is precious and shouldn't be wasted," said...

ronseal 23.02.20 8:13pm
Johnson to visit Abbott after resignation disaster 0
tamoshanter 23.02.20 6:53pm
Mad Mike's family hoping to prove that the Earth is at least 6 ft deep 0
beckfordburger 23.02.20 6:21pm
Time For Men To Be Kept In the Right Place

'Now that women can do everything for themselves' said feminist Daisy Holstein 'it's time for noisy, aggressive people, such as men, to be kept safely somewhere where they can do no harm. Such as...

Titus 23.02.20 2:15pm
Future Question Time may feature a leftie, says BBC. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 23.02.20 1:06pm
Tyson Fury "punched me in the face" claims man

34 year old American says UK boxer hit him...

pippip 23.02.20 1:05pm
'Mad' Mike Hughes proves the Earth is hard 1
Sinnick 23.02.20 12:57pm
To Save Planet, All Vehicles Now To Be Described As 'Solar'

"Solar energy is the cleanest thing there is, right? So if we had petrol, diesel, hybrids etc that were all solar we'd fix the world's problems immediately, right? Well, the amazing thing is - they...

Walter Eagle 23.02.20 12:55pm
Catalytic Convertors to be fitted to all arseholes by 2030 3
ron cawleyoni 23.02.20 12:23pm
Flat Earthers vow to carry on 'Mad' Mike's quest.

Should resolve the world's problems...

Griffin 23.02.20 12:22pm
Bits Of Blue Plastic To Save The Planet

'I bought a Tesla because it looked nice & goes quick' a man claims 'and a mate of mine who's all environmental and stuff says they're good for the planet too, at least, better than most cars...

Titus 23.02.20 12:06pm
Friends Reunited reunited after Friends reunited 0
Ian Searle 23.02.20 9:16am
Ian Searle
Priti Patel confident Coronavirus won't qualify for entry under new points syste 0
Al OPecia 23.02.20 9:02am
Al OPecia
Her Majesty the Queen fears for Boris' safety. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 23.02.20 8:58am
Al OPecia
EU Descends Into Chaos Now That It Is No Longer Part Of The British Empire

The natives in these third-world countries are clearly not really ready yet to be left to try to govern themselves ...

Titus 23.02.20 8:26am
Trump Re-Election Secure As Bernie Corbyn-Saunders Leads Democratic Socialists

His campaign is gathering Momentum, we hear ...

Titus 23.02.20 8:23am
Gay ornithologist refuses to be pigeon-holed 0
Dick Everyman 23.02.20 6:14am
Dick Everyman
Queen forbids potato from using "Jersey Royal" Trade Mark

They have had their chips!...

Ian Searle 23.02.20 3:38am
Boris Johnson had to drink 4 pints of beer and then hop

It has been revealed that in order to get Dominic Cummings working for him, Boris Johnson had to drink 6 pints of beer, and then hop around the garden at No.10 on one leg going bibble, bibble, bibble...

brainstorm 22.02.20 10:15pm
Dot Cotton has left EastEnders 'for good', Nasty Nick has left 'for bad'! 0
Ian Searle 22.02.20 9:36pm
Ian Searle
Move To Ban EU Countries From Six Nations After 23 - 27 Defeat

Titus 22.02.20 8:05pm
Question Time to be filmed only in Islington from now on

Following the outcry over an audience member described as "a dreadful oik" expressing some very un-PC views, it's been decided that the BBC's flagship current affairs programme Question Time will...

YaBasta 22.02.20 7:51pm
Caroline Flack autobiography released - I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 0
Crayon 22.02.20 6:12pm