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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Couple claim family life rejuvenated by husband's decision not to wear a belt

'It has changed our lives,' Mitch Kenny says, talking about the decision he made one morning never to wear a belt again. His wife Jat, sitting next to her husband, agrees. 'It was the catalyst for us...

Paul L 04.08.20 2:27pm
Paul L
Astonishing efforts in WWII cracked the code, but now lots of us speak German 0
SteveB 04.08.20 2:13pm
Suspicious man spotted not performing sex act at dogging site

Doggers in the Lake District have been warned to be on the lookout for a white male around 40 years old seen lurking around open-air sex venues showing no evidence of lewdness. Doggers Stacey Betts...

sydalg 04.08.20 1:57pm
'Foreign' Juan Carlos first expulsion from Tommy Robinson’s brave new Spaingland 2
Filthy Rich 04.08.20 1:37pm
Filthy Rich
Pizza Express Woking not to close in case Andrew wants a̶n̶ ̶a̶l̶i̶b̶i̶ a pizza 1
Mick Turate 04.08.20 1:16pm
Filthy Rich
Man who thought his wallet was full discovered to have giant tumour 0
sydalg 04.08.20 12:35pm
The Third TitusSpam Thread

[[i]New thread started as previous 'Ticker Submissions' thread had moved on to a second page[/i]], _ _ _ 'Mars Probe Finds "Nothing To see - Go Away" Scratched On Rock', [i] - Hat-tip to Wren in...

Titus 04.08.20 11:55am
The spread of Stacey Dooley surpasses Covid-19

Scientists have warned that by the end of 2020, one hundred percent of all TV listings will be infected with some part of Luton's answer to Woodward & Bernstein.  Sightings of Dooley on our...

Wrenfoe 04.08.20 11:29am
Pizza Express may close 67 outlets..Andrew sweating over lack of alibis. 1
ron cawleyoni 04.08.20 11:19am
Terry Bunn
Anguished cry heard coming from Windsor: “Please, no- not Woking!”

Sweaty, placard-bearing man later seen abseiling from helicopter in vicinity of Goldsworth Road...

Filthy Rich 04.08.20 11:11am
Filthy Rich
The Ghislaine Maxwell Academy for Young Ladies unlikely to reopen in September

Despite frothing ministerial insistence that opening all schools in September is an absolute priority and far more important than boosting the nations alcohol intake, it remains unclear if one of the...

oshaughnessy 04.08.20 11:06am
Nation’s pigeons ‘healthiest ever, hardly leprously scabby at all’ reports RSPB

Thanks to lockdown, a clearly made-up RSPB report confirms that Britain’s pigeons are currently enjoying their best levels of health and fitness since tangoing with German bombers over the channel...

Filthy Rich 04.08.20 11:00am
Filthy Rich
Bowling alley staff threaten strike action 1
oshaughnessy 04.08.20 10:52am
Filthy Rich
Hipster hits out at face mask rules after choking on own beard

Hackney based hipster and artisan cress cafe owner Mycroft Green, has launched a campaign against face masks, after inadvertently swallowing his own beard while wearing one. Green, 27, was...

TheNewsWalrus 04.08.20 10:51am
Filthy Rich
"I'm amazed Liam Fox is a bit of an idiot" says nobody

The revelation that Liam Fox's email was hacked by getting him to click on a phishing link has taken the country by expected. One security expert explained how the scam worked; "A foreign agency...

apepper 04.08.20 10:49am
Filthy Rich
Internet-based satirical news site advises readers to ignore comments section

A satirical news website has today said that comments offering riches beyond the dreams of avarice which follow some of its stories are utter nonsense and best completely ignored. Geoffrey Pollock,...

Chipchase 04.08.20 10:10am
Man dies after falling from holiday balcony - probably next week

Friends and family of Mick Tyler (24) were left devasted by the news that he fell to his death - sometime in the foreseeale future, ninety minutes after Happy Hour started. Given the inevitable...

Wrenfoe 04.08.20 9:42am
Sewage testing for Covid-19 begins in England starting with Brexit Party HQ 0
oshaughnessy 04.08.20 9:24am
Covid-19: WHO warns of no silver bullet amid vaccine search..Bob Seger disagrees 1
ron cawleyoni 04.08.20 9:19am
EPL latest : Directors meet to determine number of penalties awarded to Man Utd

EPL Directors are meeting up early next week to discuss how many penalties Man Utd will be awarded during the 2020-2021 season., Although Utd were awarded 13 of the 79 penalties during this...

Gerontius 04.08.20 8:34am
Government's latest game-changer replaces chess with Scrabble. 0
Mick Turate 04.08.20 8:03am
Mick Turate
UK to eat it self out of recession. 0
ron cawleyoni 04.08.20 7:59am
ron cawleyoni
No Corvid testing in schools Ofsted to estimate the results 0
Ian Searle 04.08.20 7:33am
Ian Searle
What I meant was 'Deborah Meaden is a National Treasure HUNT' 0
beckfordburger 04.08.20 7:28am
Fox for Johnson, Werritty for Cummings - O what might have been...

More optative news later...

Mirthless Evil C 04.08.20 4:23am
Mirthless Evil C
Tories state Ministerial Code: deny, duck and cover up

Turtle idiots...

Mirthless Evil C 03.08.20 8:13pm
Mirthless Evil C
Not removing whip sensibly saves paperwork next time there’s a close vote 1
Filthy Rich 03.08.20 8:09pm
Manchester declares major incident after three days without rain 2
Max Stars 03.08.20 8:08pm
Academics still perplexed by why Enya was singing about Womble piss 0
SteveB 03.08.20 8:05pm
"No covid silver bullet yet," says WHO. "Wear a string of garlic, meantime." 0
Dumbing Down 03.08.20 7:57pm
Dumbing Down