Progressive Daily Telegraph to showcase brunettes’ brains

The Daily Telegraph’s main photo on A level results day is to be a group of attractive posh brunette 18-year-old girls in short skirts, hugging each other. This is a marked change from attractive posh blonde 18-year-old girls in short skirts hugging each other, demonstrating just how progressive the newspaper is.

‘It’s Metoo feminism gone mad,’ said photographer and noted pervert Warren Wright.

‘We know what those retired colonels like. The girls are all 18, so it’s all technically legal. I hope so because I’m already on the register. I was worried that Covid regulations would prevent these group shots - yeah, just like that, darling. Maybe another shirt button. Yeah, now, kiss.’

A nearby celebrating student Francesca Fraser adjusted her glasses before saying:

‘I’ve just got into Cambridge to study Astrophysics. Those two lezzing it up for the camera don’t even study here; they work at the shop next door.’

Duke of York refuses to comment on whether he had 10000 men

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Journalism in crisis as interviewed journalist fails to follow convention

The world of journalism was in crisis today as a journalist forgot the most important aspect of good professional behaviour during a radio interview. During a spot on Radio 4, when being interviewed as a substitute for someone on the grounds that he knew something, he completely failed to support his interviewer and fellow journalist by saying that what was being asked was "a very good question".

He went on to omit the second most important elaboration, namely that an extra nugget of information he was about to convey was "particularly interesting". Nor did the accepted variant of "really fascinating" crop up at any point.

The final disgrace was the absence of any comment to the effect that "everyone wants to know" the answer to the unheralded Very Good Question.

According to a spokesman for Radio 4, 'A journalist refusing to deny that he hadn't confirmed that he had omitted not to describe a question as very good, was of great concern to our listeners.'

HATTIP: Sir Lupus