Man admits object is ‘heavy’ and not ‘just awkward’

Gary Grimthwaite had initially claimed the reason he was struggling to move a chest of drawers was that it was an awkward shape.

Grimthwaite commented ‘I watched Joe Wicks PE for the first few days and I always eat at least 4,000 calories per day, because that’s what Olympic athletes do. Plus I’ve read everything by Andy McNab, so I just assumed I’d be able to move these drawers. Do they have rocks in or something?’

Grimthwaite’s girlfriend Rachel Rutherford visibly rolled her eyes, adding

‘They have socks in. Plus pants, maybe a few towels? To be fair, they are quite heavy but when I tried to help, he said he didn’t need me. So instead I got some custard creams, curled up on an armchair and watched 45 minutes of solid gold entertainment.’

Dulux to name a new paint colour in honour of Sky Brown.

It is better applied with four rollers, and is ideal for decks, boards and rails.

However, it is better when you only use it on half pipes.

If you have any problems applying it, switch stance. Also be careful not to get any on the nose, or backside, and remember to open the window when you use it, as you need plenty of air.

The use of some grip tape will help you to get nice straight lines.

'Being shaken by the lapels has damaged my health' says Eastenders' Ian Beale

Eastenders stalwart, Adam Woodyatt, who plays Ian Beale in the long-running soap, has revealed that he has been diagnosed with early-stage dementia due to having been regularly seized by the lapels and shaken violently by various co-stars throughout his 70 years playing the divisive character.

It is estimated that Woodyatt, 87, has been shaken by the lapels more than 3000 times by over 50 characters, including, Dirty Den, both Mitchell brothers, Nasty Nick, and even, on one memorable occasion, by Dot Cotton after he attempted to avoid paying for a service wash in the launderette.

Woodyatt told the Radio Times: 'I noticed that I'd been forgetting my lines recently and was having trouble remembering where I'd parked the car. On the advice of friends, I visited my GP who broke the news that I have early-stage dementia due to being shaken all the time. I suppose it's a bit like Shaken Baby Syndrome for older people. I haven't started wandering off during the night in my dressing gown and slippers just yet, but it won't be long before I do I don't suppose'.

An Eastenders insider said last night: 'I'm sorry to hear that Adam's in shit state, but that's the price you can expect to pay for playing an irritating fucknut like Beale.