- Lockjaw
- Jan 24, 2022
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This new ‘rockney’ school, for deprived teenagers, will stand alongside the existing arts and sports institutions; such as The Barbara Windsor Drama Academy, The Eric Bristow Gymnasium and The Micky Flanagan School for Dance. Or The Harry Redknapp School of Economics, The Samantha Fox Finishing School for Girls and The Danny Dyer Science Institute.
A spokesman for the DfE defended why working class pub sing-songs were more relevant than Mozart:'I’ve spent a lot of wonga on this kosher gaff. Yer avin a giraffe, comin ere making a barney. Been on the Britney Spears ave we? Use yer loaf, it’s all legit. Everythins cushty. Ave a butchers at this,' he said gesturing to a bronze replica of the Kray Twins. 'They ain’t dead. They’ar just restin. Keep stumm, right!'
IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/christian_birkholz-76800/
A relentless cybernetic killing machine has been arrested following a 437-vehicle pile-up at a roundabout outside Wigan.
Police were soon on the scene and managed to stop the Terminator from throwing a motorist through the windscreen of his burning car. According to witnesses, it followed a heated dispute about insurance details.
'I rumbled him as a cyborg assassin straightway,' said Traffic Officer Nick Edwell. We initially thought it was a bad case of road rage; then, I noticed the motorcycle jacket and a pair of sunglasses. I mean, no one in Wigan owns a pair of sunglasses.'
‘A fellow officer started talking to him, and he replied in a weird Austrian accent. So we roughed him up a bit and took him down the station, which he promptly decided to blow up. Talk about a sense of entitlement. Anyway, that should get him at least six points on his license.'
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