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Chas ‘n’ Dave music conservatoire opens

This new ‘rockney’ school, for deprived teenagers, will stand alongside the existing arts and sports institutions; such as The Barbara Windsor Drama Academy, The Eric Bristow Gymnasium and The Micky Flanagan School for Dance. Or The Harry Redknapp School of Economics, The Samantha Fox Finishing School for Girls and The Danny Dyer Science Institute.

A spokesman for the DfE defended why working class pub sing-songs were more relevant than Mozart:'I’ve spent a lot of wonga on this kosher gaff. Yer avin a giraffe, comin ere making a barney. Been on the Britney Spears ave we? Use yer loaf, it’s all legit. Everythins cushty. Ave a butchers at this,' he said gesturing to a bronze replica of the Kray Twins. 'They ain’t dead. They’ar just restin. Keep stumm, right!'


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