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The government has stated that it cannot evacuate any British nationals from Ukraine in time as all RAF flights are busy evacuating animals form animal sanctuaries in the country. In a statement the government has expressed sadness at having to cut British nationals out of the evacuation, but stated a precedent has been set and the Prime Minister is known to be a stickler for following the rules. 'Once the dogs, cats and donkeys are flown into the UK it's likely that the Ukraine will effectively be part of Russia. In fact, according to Liz Truss, it already is,' said a government spokesperson today.


image from pixabay


Police have put out an alert after a harmless comedic sleight of hand, got out of control. Jenny Fitz (27) is said to be in a heightened state of agitation after her nose was stolen from her place of work. After experiencing a relatively successful coin behind the ear routine, matters escalated, with a colleague grabbing her nose between their fingers. Police say: ‘Despite no actual ‘nasal removal’ occurring, Jenny suffered severe psychological trauma. We told Jenny there are a lot of unclaimed noses to pick from – but nobody wants to see you picking your nose’.




IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/publicdomainpictures-14/

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