If The Sun isn't the centre of your universe then you're a moaning snowflake

Guardian and protector of anti-woke sentiment The Sun Newspaper has quite rightly ramped up its mission to slag off the snowflakery of all scientific endeavour.

'We demand that everything remains just as it is. We know where we stand and we know what we like. Dinosaurs definitely didn't have sickeningly pretty feathers otherwise they would have been obnoxious influencers.'

'But it's much bigger than that. Stopping the Earth being the centre of the universe and inventing gravity just so we could give equal rights to all planets and stars - who do they think they are? Pull the other one.'

'And anaesthetic - who needs that? Just man up, grow a pair and take the pain. A slug of whiskey is all you need. Same with antibiotics. Can't deal with all those miniscule germs? Wimps.'

'Eureka ! Who says that ? What's wrong with Cor Blimey Guv ! And who is Archimedes anyway ? Telling people what he thought of when he was in the bath and that screw of his. Sounds like a pervert to us. The Sun says Send him back to Rwanda where he came from.'

author: notamused

Tokyo to host 2020 Olympic carping, cheating and ridicule

‘It’s important that the winning bid starts with optimism and enthusiasm but that then is soon crushed by the wearing yoke of international cynicism,’ explained an IOC official. ‘Other prospective hosts already have political and economic woes – whereas Tokyo offers an air of suspense, as to how the sh*t will hit the fan’.

IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/diema-1403803/

All women stop shaving their legs now Clooney is engaged

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Sporting unkempt hair, one married lady commented: ‘I was only making an effort, on the off chance that George would make a booty call. It’s baggy t-shirts and unrestrained farting from now on. I’ve even started using the cat’s litter tray’.

Her husband admitted: ‘I didn’t know that it was George Clooney who was holding this fragile marriage together. My wife is now just curled up in a foetal position with a bottle of cheap cider, full fat ice cream and all the pork scratchings she could find’.

An eminent Psychologist commented: ‘It’s almost as if they (women) are past caring. Drinking from the carton, eating beans from the can, weeping into copies of Heat magazine... next stop – ‘frumpville’. A similar thing happened to men when Jose Mourinho first left Chelsea.’

https://pixabay.com/photos/shave-shaver-razor-blade-shaving-273116