Sam Chhaganlal (62) claims that the deceased Iraqi Dictator was ‘alive and well’ and had been working as a trolley attendant at his local Sainsburys. Said Sam: ‘He’s been renting my potting shed since 2006; along with a subscription to Sky Sports, an annual supply of pop tarts and limited conjugal visits with our pet Alsatian’.
When the press said he was lying, Sam replied: ‘It’s no more implausible than Weapons of Mass Destruction’.
It may seem like the media are feasting on a constant diet of scandals at the moment, but be warned, there are plenty more feeders lurking at the scandal buffet ready to serve up more cold, unappetising dishes of sickening misconduct, fattening impropriety and explosive wrongdoing.
Brace yourselves for:
InvestiGate - demands for financial regulator to look into behaviour of savings bank
MarGate - seaside scandal involving one's mother
RamsGate - seaside scandal involving male sheep
ReiGate - scandal of trying to pass off whisky made in Surrey as American whiskey
DeleGate - scandal of passing control of specialist food shop to inexperienced staff
InterroGate - scandal of excessively scary police questioning techniques
NaviGate - scandal over direction of Britain's warships
FiveBarredGate - scandal involving nearly half-a-dozen MPs banned from Westminster for viewing 'farm porn'
MitiGate - fantasy scandal which is not actually that scandalous at all, really
PromulGate - the posting of fake favourable reviews of a Scottish island
ProfliGate - scandal of universities employing an excessive number of senior academic staff
HarroGate - Yorkshire scandal involving other disturbing farm equipment porn
FloodGate - moist scandal encompassing a deluge of many scandals
NeGate - ineffective scandal involving negative Russians
PropaGate - major scandal which has spread as far as Yorkshire
CastiGate - scandal involving severely reprimanded theatre ensemble
CircumnaviGate - scandal involving the foreskin removal of rail workers around the world
CowandGate - Scandal that would have swept the nation if Neil Parish hadn't deleted his disturbing farmyard porn in the nick of time
MasturGate - Scandal exposing self-abuse in ventriloquists' dummy community.
Contributions from and hat tips to sydalg and SteveB
Image from Pixabay by blende12
The iconic racing calendar will feature erotic pictures of Aztec Priests and topless photographs of the human sacrifices they beheaded. Car fanatics were said to be excited about this retro-AD 250 look; which pre-dates the Ford Triumph by at least seven years.
A graphics editor said: 'We can't predict the end of the world but next month will definitely be tits'.
Image from Pixabay by Pexels
