Lewisham man beats record for words to describe 'speechless'

A Lewisham man surprised by work colleagues with a birthday card and cake has broken the world record for people describing that they are speechless.

'I'm literally speechless, there are no words to describe the emotions running through me, I don't have the words to explain how I feel at this gesture, words, frankly, fail me, I just don't know what to say,' he is understood to have said.

Unfortunately, all of his co-workers drifted off back to their desks and assumed the end of the sentence. Consequently his record will not be recorded by Guinness as a World Record, nor will he enjoy his cake as everyone took a slice while he was waffling on, leaving just an empty plate, an action that, literally, left him speechless.

Is this the way to Amarillo? No, this is the road to hell

An independent Texas would make assault rifle ownership mandatory, confirmed a not-at-all insane local Republican official on condition of anonymity. The spokesMan With No Name needlessly fired a Colt 45 into the air before condemning the fictional Republic of Gilead as a liberal swamp.

Failure to openly carry at least one handgun results in a sentence of death, to be conducted by The Wild Bunch at High Noon. Abortion would be illegal but The Good, The Bad and The Ugly unwanted children could be legally gunned down, as long as they themselves were armed. Once Upon a Time in the West being black, gay or Mexican will be Unforgiven, but chewing tobacco into a spittoon could earn a reprieve.

Including the piles of science textbooks being burned, everything is bigger in Texas.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/antonialangsdorf-1838356/

No case for Labour returning to power, says Starmer

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