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Illuminati go on strike


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Following on from other public sector workers, our shadowy overlords have demanded that human sacrifices keep pace with inflation. Said one lizard: 'In real terms we have had a 20% cut in demon summonings. And we've already had a national shortage of hooded robes.'


The strike day will see an absence of government manipulation, control of our media or support of Prince Andrew. Their unconventional picket line will be in the shape of a pentagram and can only be crossed if you have the right cantrip.


Their Union leader, a Mr. S. Atan, explained: 'We expect the minister to come to the table. Not to negotiate but to have their still beating heart, cut from their chest. Oh, and we'd like flexible working hours as well.'



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NewsBiscuit Podcast 22: Criminal Goldfish, Wolves playing Paintball and Policewomen in your Closet

Updated: Dec 2, 2023





Episode 22: Criminal Goldfish, Wolves playing Paintball and Policewomen in your Closet


Comedy news from NewsBiscuit

Featuring Guests: SparklyBob, Bernard Castle & FlashArry

Host: Wrenfoe. Jan-Feb 2023

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

We are also listed on Sticher, Pocket Casts, Deezer, Listen Notes, Podcast Addict & Castbox, Youtube, Spotify, Apple iPlayer Podcast, Amazon Music & Anchor

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Multiple wives do not lead to multiple orgasms


With a population 63% Mormon, Utah State has been declared a turn off, bringing in legislation to restrict pornography. A Church official said: ‘We advise filtering the Internet by using golden plates to cover up the offending areas. No one wants the devil in their heart or sperm in their eye.


‘We tell our members to wear knee high socks, plaid shorts and keeping banging on about our faith. This distracts from the actual banging. We’re stopping the hyper sexualisation of teens – although, looking at the average gym sock that bird may have already flown. However, nothing says abstinence like the phrase – Hi, Can I talk to you about God.’

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