top of page
Search

NASA to divert next asteroid towards Earth



Following Asteroid 2023 BU passing within 2,200 miles of the Earth, one NASA astrophysicist hopes to engage in a bit of interplanetary snooker to make sure we are not so lucky next time.


'It's for the best.' confirmed Professor Vivienne van Voort. 'Human beings simply cannot be trusted. If Jacob Rees-Mogg becomes the new Lorraine Kelly it would be better to destroy all evidence that this planet ever existed.'


Hard-line conservatives have labelled the plan to destroy the Earth and kill all life as 'woke' and criticised it for being pro-immigration, with one knuckle dragger grunting 'Asteroids, coming over here, taking our apocalypses.'




'Batman v Super-gonorrhoea' #signofadesperatefranchise


Having gone head to head with Spiderman, the Caped Crusader is set to do battle with the latest super-villain - a sexually transmitted infection, in 3D! Action-packed sequences of puss-like discharge will soon cover cinema screens, as the new superbug continues to spread; with only Batman and a strong course of antibiotics to prevent him.


Some fans have complained that 'Super Gonorrhoea' makes no appearance in any of the original DC Comics, other than an oblique reference to the Hulk having a burning sensation during urination. On executive countered: ‘In the next film Wonder Woman falls foul of a lascivious Superman, cheap cider and a bout of Chlamydia. But provided Batman stays Caped, he should be okay'.

bottom of page