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Johnson plots to fat-shame Sunak


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Allies of Boris Johnson say he is plotting to fat-shame the Prime Minister as part of a plan to return to No 10. Polls show a significant proportion of the electorate would like to see a return to the glory days of skinny Boris. The Daily Mail and Express have thrown their support behind Johnson's plot, claiming Sunak is ‘too fat to govern’.


A source close to the former PM said:


‘Boris will accuse Rishi of being a scruffy lying porker. Far from being offensive, he is merely point out that fat people in public office never happened under his watch, and that its time Rishi stepped aside so he can squeeze past him and get back into No 10.'


Downing Street was quick to deny that Rishi is a heffalump, pointing out that Ursula von der Leyen regularly beats him at arm wrestling. .



El Salvador mega prison slammed on TripAdvisor


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A prison designed to hold up to 20,000 prisoners has been the subject of a scathing raft of reviews on popular review sites.


'Only two toilets for every hundred inmates,' moaned one reviewer, who also had issues about the 'measly two-ply' toilet paper. Another suggested the guards were 'a tad rough', but it was unclear if that was an actual complaint.


The prison barber came in for some rough reviews, too. 'He only seems to have one cut - I asked for a little off the top and wham! it was all on the deck,' complained reviewer 001025 who preferred to be nameless, in accordance with El Salvador prison rules.




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