- Lockjaw
- Feb 22, 2023
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Rishi Sunak will re-focus defence spending away from the expensive military hardware of actual wars and into the keyboard warriors fighting the Culture Wars to win the next election.
Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers said ‘Rishi is a modern Tory. His dream is to use public money to weaponize the comments section of the right-wing tabloids. If there’s a way to dunk on transgender people, obviously we’ll do that too. We’ve no money for warplanes to help Ukraine, because universities are too woke maybe? Why do Labour want the Russians to win? They don’t, but it’s still a red flag.’
Carruthers tapped her nose, then beamed ‘The Conservatives are bringing back the death penalty but mainly for black people in police custody. They don’t have to be guilty. It’s not so much a national scandal as a policy goal.’
Up until recently accusations of Cosby’s sexual misdeeds had not distinguished him from the other dreadful nominees. Many had hoped he would unify the nation behind a single creepy father-figure, while others thought it might be nice to do something different for a change.
One journalist commented: ‘Ironically it’s still going to take a whole lot of Quaaludes for Hilary or Donald to get the nation to vote for them’.
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