Brexiteers: ‘What was the question again?’

As the UK hurtles towards a potential EU exit and financial banana-skin, Leave Campaigners have confirmed that they had ‘no idea’ that the referendum had anything to do with Europe. High on the agenda for most of their voters was not electoral independence, but rather a return to the world of Enid Blyton, tea dances and anything to stop mobile phones from getting smaller.

Some have become so confused by 21st century living and wide-screen TVs, that they had wrongly assumed a leave vote would get rid of loud music and skinny jeans.One said: ‘Brexit will make this throbbing pain in my left arm disappear, it will make it easier to urinate and I won’t have to queue so much at the Post Office. And my wife will come back. Right?’

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Turnips to form political party

Following comments from the Environment Secretary that eating turnips could be a suitable alternative to other vegetables, the root vegetable is to form a political party.

It's spokesperson, Timothy Turnip said that he felt 'he and his fellow turnips would be a far better alternative to both Coffey and her party.'

'The reality is that we, the humble turnip, not only provide more benefit to the British people than the current government, we also have a lot more integrity as well.'

Story: urbanhermit

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