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A red faced BMA, on the start of a new four day strike attempting to bring the NHS to its knees, admitted that none of the union officials checked the Health Minister's diary before calling the strike. 'Fair enough, he's on holiday in some sun-kissed resort so we really can't expect him to turn up for discussions about resolving the crisis,' a union representative said.


The last time they tried to get Mr Barclay around a table he was having his hair cut - a long standing appointment with 'some guy from the high street'. The representative agreed it would be unreasonable to ask him to reschedule his trim as their other customer might be inconvenienced. 'Like the time before - had to walk the dog. We thought that job had finished when Johnson left Number 10, but no, it's a commitment, so fair enough.


'We've checked his diary and it seems very full for the next fourteen months, then nothing. I guess that's our opportunity,' said the representative.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/sasint-3639875/



Daily Express readers have been frothing at the mouth and tearing at their hospital restraints in frustration, that 'some flighty piece of skirt' from India will be canonized ahead of the Angel of Knightsbridge. Sadly 'England's Rose' has been eclipsed by 'Macedonia's Dungwort', a nun who spent most of life dressed as Yoda and winner of 'Calcutta's walnut lookalike' competition four years in a row.


There are various miracles attributed to Diana during her life; including the miracle of getting away with a George Michael perm, the miracle of being a millionaire despite failing her O-levels twice and the miracle of hiding the identity of Harry's parentage. Also in a recent poll on a dating site for unmarried lepers, Diana still came out on top of '...person I would most like to shake hands with...if only my fingers didn't keep dropping off'.


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