Junior Doctors demand a go in a golden carriage

Junior Doctors have said they would happily forget all their outrageous demands about slightly less miserable pay and slightly more acceptable working conditions, if they could just commute to work aboard a golden horse-drawn carriage down The Mall, through Admiralty Arch, along Whitehall to Parliament Square.

One Junior Doctor said 'As a show of good faith, we're even prepared to use the golden carriage that is apparently more uncomfortable than the other golden carriage. Even though I work in Aberdeen, and would have to fly to London and then fly back afterwards, this would still save me money on hospital parking.'

A Tory MP boomed 'I like my healthcare like I like my expenses claims and the Guatemalan rent boys I keep locked in my basement. Private.'

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Stormzy moves to distance himself from Trump

A source close to international music sensation, Stormzy, (real name Puff Daddy) has told Rolling Stone Magazine categorically the multi award-winning star has never had any intimate contact with former US president Donald Trump.

The insider said: 'Stormzy, would like to make it crystal-clear he has never been in the same room as Trump, let alone shared intimate moments in a hotel or accepted money to buy his silence. And what's more, if these scurrilous and persistent rumours do not stop, Stormzy (real name Eminem), will not rule out taking decisive and robust legal action.'

In other news, Trump's legal team has issued a firm denial that he ever behaved inappropriately with magician, the late Paul Daniels.

hat-tip to sirlupus

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CBI's Tony Danker set to be immortalised in rhyming slang

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