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In unprovoked error, Hilary strangled Bald Eagle


Short of dressing the Statue of Liberty in a Burka, Mrs Clinton has lurched from one PR blunder to another. Commented one journalist: 'The Presidential race is entering the final furlong and if Mrs Clinton was horse - and before you can say Benghazi - she's gone from bookie's favourite to an ingredient at the local glue factory'.


The Presidential hopeful has managed to set fire to the Stars & Stripes, punch a bison and agree to Bill hosting a sleepover for a group of Girl Guides. Her lead in the polls has been cut as video emerges of her lighting a cigar with a rolled-up Bill of Rights, then proceeding to 'take a dump' on the White House lawn. Hilary's erratic behaviour has seen her sing the Star-Spangled Banner in Korean and pebble-dash Mount Rushmore. Remarked a flummoxed advisor: 'She keeps doing the unthinkable - like making Donald Trump electable.’


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Fire service to charge Tory party for putting out its fires


Newspapers have been reporting that ever since Rishi Sunak came to power, he’s been fighting fires within his own party, however the fire service has pointed out that Sunak is not a trained fire fighter and the reality has been that it’s the fire service that inevitably gets called in to put the fires out. As a consequence, the fire service has had to inform the government that from now on, a charge will be made for each time it gets called out to fight a Tory party fire.



Chief Fire Officer Sam Stoker said “The pressure this has put on fire services in the Westminster area has been excessive and beyond what we can reasonably cope with for the long term. It’s costing the service a fortune, particularly as the fires usually happen over evenings and weekends when we have to pay overtime to maintain a service for the rest of London.”



A fire investigations officer revealed: 'In every instance since Sunak came to power, our investigations have come to the same conclusion - there’s been far too much arson about in parliament'.


Hat-Tip: Sir Lupus


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