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Ukraine invasion latest: no end to people smugly tagging everything #SlavaUkraini in sight


As the conflict in Ukraine continues to rage buzzkills across the land are still tagging their every banal utterance with #SlavaUkraini in a prolonged battle of social media oneupmanship. Despite said tagging having as much effect on the outcome of the war as the concept of morality has on a Cabinet minister’s behaviour.



‘I just want people to know that I care,’ local keyboard warrior Brooke White said. ‘And that I literally care more than literally anyone else.’ Stopping only to tweet “Am I the only person who remembers when Freddos cost 10p? #SlavaUkraini” she went on to say. ‘I like to search for the word ‘Kiev’ so I can accuse the people who’ve used it instead of ‘Kyiv’ of racism. And at Christmas I tweeted a picture of my dinner on a blue and yellow plate and added #makesyouthink #SlavaUkraini. There’s a war on. Constantly aiming for the moral high ground with two words in a language I can’t speak used in a country I can’t find on a map is my way of fighting. Is it harder than actual fighting in the actual war? That’s not for me to say but yes, it absolutely is.’



When asked why if she was so passionate about Ukraine she didn’t donate to the Red Cross or sign up to host a refugee Brooke quickly ended the conversation in disgust saying that there was such a thing as going too far.




Man steals beach by hiding it in his ear



The theft took twenty years to complete, boasted Roger Elliot (54), who smuggled huge quantities of sand in various bodily crevices. The police were alerted to the crime, when someone noticed that Southend on Sea had relocated to Battersea.



After his capture, Mr. Elliott admitted that the first bucket load was stolen in error. 'By the time I'd shaken out my socks and pockets, I realised that most of the beach was still with me. That gave me the idea. And I soon discovered that my ears could hold three cubic tonnes of sand - per hole.'



His audacious plan involved sitting on the beach for less than five seconds. Yet in that time every conceivable item of of clothing or body part was rammed with sand. One scientist explained: 'The are more stars in the galaxy than grains of sand in your pants. But not by much.'




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