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Addressing a doubtful House of Commons, the Foreign Secretary was heard to yell: ‘You get £350m! You get £350m! Everyone gets £350m!’. He promised to prosecute Russia for its bombing campaign, although one lawyer commented: ‘I’m not sure Boris understands what the International Criminal Court actually does. He may be confused with ‘Thunderbirds’.’
A spokeswoman for Mr. Johnson said: ‘Bombing hospitals is reprehensible – except when we get our Saudi friends to do it Yeman – then it’s called profiteering’.
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The scheme will plunge you into ten of thousands of pounds worth of debt, without the hassle of having to own a house. Mortgage-owners will then have the freedom to live where they like, provided they like ditches. Although banks have warned that failure to make your payments will mean repossessions and ‘steps will be taken’.
Some economists have warned of a steep rise in the cost of ladders, with a single rung -based in London - going for half a million. Explained one lender: ‘The easiest way to help people onto the housing ladder is to remove the housing. Then all you need to do is find a ladder. Which we can loan you at competitive rates. Then, after fifty years of repayments, you will then own a ladder. A very old ladder. But you’ll be at the top of that ladder and you should be able to see some houses from there.’
image from pixabay
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