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Hilary grabs Trump by the balls


In a surprise deviation from the customary handshake, Mrs Clinton decided to open the second Presidential debate with an intimate ‘cupping’ of her opponent. Citing ‘locker-room’ hijinks as her justification, Mrs Clinton instructed Donald Trump to cough and ‘take it like a b$tch’.


Mr. Trump who had previously come under fire for his lewd and derogatory comments about women, looked flustered and in state of semi-arousal. Moderator Anderson Cooper tried to steer the discussion back onto topics of national security, but Mr. Trump spent much of that time pawing at his own groin and mumbling something about ‘needing to see’ his daughter.


Political commentators have suggested that Mrs Clinton’s tactic was less about challenging sexually abusive behaviour and more about distracting from her husband’s own chequered past. Many noticed that she repeatedly avoided questions about email servers by ‘twanging Mr. Trump’s nads’


For the third debate she has threatened to give Mr. Trump a full rectal examination, in response to Mr. Trump’s own intrusive probing over Benghazi. A spokeswoman for Mrs. Clinton explained: ‘What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Particularly if it involves a saucy goosing’.


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Piers Morgan denies knowing bees make honey



Piers Morgan has denied knowing that bees make honey while he was editor of Beekeeper’s Weekly. He was defending himself against accusations made by several hungry bears, an annoying wasp, and thousands of ants. Mr Morgan also denies involvement in acquiring honey from the pantries of celebrities and royals.


Speaking before the trial Mr Morgan said: I've never even seen honey, let alone tasted it. When I was editor of Beekeeper Weekly no one ever mentioned honey in my presence. This is the biggest witch hunt in history.’


The trial continues.




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