Top Gear to feature PM driving the economy into a ditch

Viewers have been impressed by the panoramic HD footage of a post-Brexit wasteland, as the PM drives through every diplomatic red light and does a handbrake turn on any trade agreement. Gone is the mysterious white supremacist, The Stig, to be replaced with a reasonably priced moron - Nigel Farage.

Costing billions of pounds, yet with no new ideas, the show still retains its core dynamic - of clueless millionaires recklessly speeding with no sense of direction. With one voter describing it as 'car crash TV'.

www.newsbiscuit.com

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Search begins to find someone worse than Trump

The Republican Party normally has a monopoly on incompetence, but there are concerns that the well of stupidity has run dry. Said one activist: 'We're down to our last batch of idiots. We just hope one is sociopathic enough to stand out.'

Donald Trump still leads in the polls and in the number of court cases pending. So, it will take a world-class douchebag to surpass him. But many fear that candidates like Ron DeSantis do not have the horns and pointy tail to compete.

Explained an analysist: 'The early 21st century was a golden age of arsehollery. Trump was the Shakespeare of slime. It may be generations until we see his like again or see his tax returns.'

Good vet gets plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet

Diners at a Liverpool Street bistro looked on in utter disbelief as a good vet got a plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet again.

Hedge Fund Investor, Tim Shannon, ordered Cannon of Lamb cooked medium-rare. He said: ‘I'm not squeamish but when it came it was almost swimming in blood. I mentioned to my colleague “a good vet could get that back on its feet again" and with that all hell broke loose.

‘Some chap shouts out, "stand back, I’m a vet!” He then shoos us away from our table and erects a makeshift screen around it using a few tablecloths.

‘We hear a bit of puffing and panting, then to everyone’s amazement a bleating sound. Next thing we see is the chap emerging from behind the screen carrying this beautiful fluffy lamb.’

Restaurant Proprietor, Gyles Pettigrew, told reporters. ‘It was amazing and publicity has done us no harm.'

When asked how the lamb was doing after the ordeal, Pettigrew added: 'Oh, the little fellow is just fine. He’s out the back in the freezer preparing to guest star in Wednesday's Gourmet Evening.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/elsemargriet-1614842/