- Myke
- Jun 4, 2023
Critically ill patients will soon be treated by a car servicing and repair company in a bid to cut waiting times. Reacting to news that people are sick of experts, the government has instructed ambulances to take patients to their nearest garage for spare parts, to have their blood drained, new filters, and replacement sump plug washers. Cheerful mechanics will offer brain surgery and open-heart procedures while-u-wait.
A spokesman for Kwik Fit said: ‘If you’re French or German there might a delay in getting the parts, but otherwise we’ll have you up and running again in no time at all.’
- Sully
- Jun 4, 2023
BBC executives have put out a call for “more celebrity affairs, preferably involving age disparities” in a desperate bid to avoid having to report on the Covid Inquiry.
‘We’re a serious news agency’, a spokesman sniggered, ‘and we have a duty to report impartially on whether Celebrity A inserted his man sausage into Celebrity B. That’s precisely what Lord Reith meant when he said . . . . whatever. I was off that day’.