That G20 declaration on Ukraine, in full

Ukraine is a country. Russia is a country too. No country should attack defenceless grain without good reason. Oil is fine. Death is bad, from any cause - road accidents, listeria, overdoing it at the tanning salon, leading a full scale military rebellion with your private army then stopping that rebellion then mysteriously dying in an unrelated plane crash two months later, whatever. It's all bad. Nobody likes it. Zelensky is a President. Putin is a President. There is a kind of butter called President. Live long and be happy.

Love to everyone.

Yours, the G20

Image: Taylor Flowe (@taypaigey) | Unsplash Photo Community

EXCLUSIVE: deadly spy at the heart of Westminster corridors of power NAMED

Chinese authorities have confirmed that a spy, operating at the heart of British government, has breached the highest levels of security and poses a clear and present danger to the nation.

A senior Chinese official confirmed, 'We have identified the spy in question and name her as Liz Truss. She has infiltrated UK politics and has done more damage to Britain than any other subversive individual in history. Working together with another as yet unnamed operative, she destroyed the UK economy in an astonishingly short period of time.

'Although she has close links to Chinese pork markets, she is not actually a Chinese spy on our hidden books. She has, however, single-handedly done more damage to one of our enemies than our entire clandestine community in its entire history of operation. For that, we wish to award her our highest honour: the Chinese medal of meddling.'

Image: Chris Yang (@chrisyangchrisfilm) | Unsplash Photo Community

Wilklose

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