Church rules it is blasphemy to criticise Stephen Fry

The Holy Trinity of light entertainment is Sarah Beeny, Mr Fry and the Holy Ghost (or 'Brucie' to his friends).  Sainted in the 1980's, for making Ben Elton seem funny, St. Stephen has since spent his career walking on water, while performing the miracle of getting anything with Alan Davies 4 million viewers.

As permanent a fixture on our televisions as a layer of dust, Mr. Fry has for many years been surrogate Queen Mum. It is a mortal sin to suggest that St. Stephen is not a national treasure.  Meanwhile, Bits of Fry & Laurie are regularly consumed at Mass, followed by the communal whine that Sandi Toksvig is 'just not as good'.

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Fast food joint: 'Your heart disease looks exactly like the photo'

A generic burger chain’s terrifying cartoon mascot has fired back against criticisms that its food looks nothing like the adverts.

'Calling us a fast food restaurant leaves the word "restaurant" doing a lot of heavy lifting - much like the chairs in our outlets have to.'

'Of course your burger looks nothing like the one in the portrait - that's the burger of Dorian Gray. Our employees earn minimum wage. Our food has minimal nutritional content. Remember the horse meat scandal? At least that was meat.'

'Your chubby children belong to us now. Our free toys, empty calories and sugary drinks have seduced them. Maybe your self-respect is hiding underneath your second extra large portion of chips. No? Third portion's the charm.'

'Don’t worry, our food won't kill you - not immediately. Eat up!'

Photo by Tetiana Shevereva on Unsplash

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