Scriptwriter says Rishi Sunak is not canon

Fans of the never ending flow of Tory Prime Ministers, were disappointed to discover that Sunak is not part of the narrative and there are no electoral plans for a spinoff series. In fact, Sunak is viewed with a sense of embarrassment and is blamed upon Disney studios for taking the franchise in the wrong direction.

'Strictly speaking he does not belong in this universe, he's too implausible and is clearly a fan fiction creation - if pixie bankers are your thing. Maybe in a multiverse where Brexit was a success, but even then he'd just be comic relief.

'The truth is Sunak is going to be written out. His non-canonical legacy will be replaced with an advert break.' Asked about how Keir Starmer fitted in with the continuity of Tory PMs: 'Oh, he'll fit in nicely.'

Man breaks barber shop code

A man has been barber-barred throughout the UK, following a 'serious incident' during his most recent haircut.

Naveed Nasir said 'He showed me the back of my head in the mirror and I was just wondering whether I should ask to get a little more taken off. I didn’t of course, I just said "thank you" and paid, but he saw the look on my face. He knew. I knew that he knew. He knew that I knew that he knew.'

The next thing Nasir knew, four men in stripy waistcoats, bowties and straw hats were tunefully ejecting him from the premises.

Nasir himself appeared philosophical about his ban. 'Everyone knows the rules, I’m disappointed in myself really. Perhaps I will grow a mullet or invest in some hats.'

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Kingussie Kong celebrates his return home