After new polling suggests he will lose his seat at the upcoming General Election, Michael Gove is reportedly considering a return to his pre-politics career: asking weary travellers riddles from under a bridge.
Sources close to Gove say his previous job afforded him a better quality of life:
‘Michael is tired of politics – he wants to return to a low-stress career where he can spend time in nature while striking fear into the heart of any person or anthropomorphic goat foolish enough to set foot on his bridge.’
During his time as an MP, Gove has reportedly maintained his skillset by writing daily riddles for his civil servants, keeping his office as damp as possible, and biting anyone who disagrees with him.
Author: hrp27
Image: Lockjaw
Fans at the Cardiff's Principality Stadium have complained that the pop divas were clearly audible throughout their performance. Said one fan: ‘I didn’t pay £100 to hear a cacophony of noise, I came to see what financial desperation coupled with Botox looked like.’
Many teenagers were carried away to have their ears syringed and their memories erased. Said one traumatized eyewitness: ‘Initially I heard a shrill, high pitched noise – not dissimilar to a masonry drill – but as the noise continued, it dawned on me that the band were trying to harmonize. There was something garbled about ‘zigazig ah’ and then to my horror I realised that those were actual lyrics.’
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