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Advertising watchdog rules against Just Stop Oil




The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has upheld 42 complaints about posters used by Just Stop Oil. The ASA ruled that the posters cannot be used in their current form and that changes to the wording are required if they are to be used again.


In their judgement the ASA said that the clear implication of the slogan was that ‘just’ stopping oil is the only action needed to avert disastrous changes to the climate. The wording ‘stop oil’ would have been acceptable, but ‘just stop oil’ was not.


The ASA said that the case for the defence was undermined because Just Stop Oil had also registered trademarks for Just Stop Gas, Just Stop Nuclear, Just Stop Burning Wood and Just Stop Buying Cucumbers Wrapped In Plastic. In this context, the use of the word ‘just’ was clearly untruthful.


A spokesman for Just Stop Oil expressed disappointment. He said, ‘We take our protesting very seriously and have processes in place to ensure compliance - as far as possible - with all relevant laws and guidance. We aim to protest peacefully, but the Establishment is against us. This decision is, ironically, Unjust.


‘We are considering our position and are planning to launch a new campaign called Just Stop The ASA.’


Sir Cliff to spend £850,000 on 'living doll'



Rather than dispel rumours of an unorthodox personal life, the ageing singer has said he plans to fulfil his ambition to own a 'special friend' that he can lock in a trunk, without the need for a non-disclosure agreement. Investing the proceeds of his court-case against the BBC, Sir Cliff has contacted a Japanese firm to create a livin' doll, with no strings attached but a good battery life.


His publicist said that Sir Cliff wanted time alone to satisfy his soul and other very specific needs. He asked that members of the press respect his client's privacy and not to pay any heed to the crying noises coming from his bedroom. 


The manufacturer promised: 'Our dolls provide realistic walking but no talking to prying journalists. Look at the hair, its real – although I can't say where we got if from, as we have no desire to embarrass President Trump. If you don't believe what I say, just feel. No, not there! I'm going to have to wash that now.'


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Labour to become a limited company




Following the success of Reform Limited in fielding a defective, sorry defecting, sorry - correct on both counts - MP, two councillors and a single London Assembly member the Labour Party has panicked and has decided to follow the trend to create a limited company. 


Labour Party members will be offered the opportunity to buy shares, vote at AGMs which the directors will ignore as in all well-run limited companies (and coincidentally in the current Labour Party), and instead of a shadow cabinet the organisation will have directors with Keir Starmer as Chairman, Rachel Reeves as Company Secretary and Wes Streeting the director responsible for taking the blame when HMRC come knocking.


The new organisation will be listed on the Bonn Exchange and insiders say the new name, Labour Very Limited, is a good description of what it will be able to do once it inherits the mess the Tories are leaving.

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