The early surge in medals for team GB has been delighting audiences during the first stages of the games when sitting down sports dominate. The UK has traditionally done well in sports where standing up is not required, such as sailing, cycling, rowing, and riding horses. Although recently we become better and won medals in leaning on a post shooting at things, falling into swimming pools and bouncing, so it’s not all bad news.
The medal count is expected to slow dramatically as traditional field sports dominate the timetable.
A spokesman for Team GB explained that, while we are quite good at relatively sedentary sports, when it comes to running forwards and throwing things other than bricks we fall behind other nations.
No one in Britain ever really said vacation, but somehow someone decided that a staycation was a thing. That person should be put on a permanent wallyday. Luckily, some splendidly clever chaps have come up with a new way to spend your summer downtime and it's called affraycation.
You pile into a van with your mates, go somewhere nice like Sunderland, throw some bricks at coppers, smack a few British people who look different to you, and the lovely police service will give you a free room for the night. AirBNP.
'I'm not being racist, but if anyone says hollybobs, you can lamp 'em in the hijab,' said a racist.
A leading tour operator named after someone called Timmy or something has cornered the market and is now offering shittybreaks. And R&R now stands for Rage and Rioting.