Sex position of the week: Reverse cow-herd immunity.

Boris Johnson has decided to spice up his COBRA meetings, with a variety of emergency positions, designed to makes us all sweat. Normally herd immunity involves vaccinating 95% of the population, but Boris has opted for infecting 95%– as opposed to his usual policy of impregnating 95%.

The reverse cowherd will involve Boris straddling the nation, so he can control the duration and penetration of the virus. Subsequently our saucy PM has promised to keep everyone in bed – as long as it’s not an NHS one. Participants are advised to think of something boring, to avoid Dominic Cummings too soon.

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Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Chaos ensues as street Binfluencer goes on holiday

With no-one to make the first move the night before bin day, the whole street froze in panic as residents peered through cracks in curtains to see what to do. Has a bank holiday stepped back the bin day? What week is this? What year?

Around 3am a maniac householder finally panics and drags the green wheelie bin out wedged in two full recycling boxes and then sets it on fire.

Roaming fly tippers sense the fear and take advantage of the unrest by dumping three fridges and a mattress. Light bin bags full of wrapping paper roll down the misty road, there is weeping from behind a brown bin that clearly should not be there.

Leaderless, the street is now a lawless wasteland. Now the waste has won.

Image: Pixabay/StockSnap

Air parts manufacturer finds business is really taking off

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