Motorcycle tourists amend their description of Iran

A couple of round-the-world tourists published a glowing account of their experience of Iran, stating that they were 'having an amazing time'.  However, they have now advised readers that there were 'one or two tiny typographical errors in our previous report.'

'Where we spoke of the 'lovely people' and of a 'lovely country', what we actually meant to say was 'The country is a dangerous, corrupt sh!t-hole and the w@nkers who live there are a load of complete c*nts.'  We regret any confusion which may have been caused by our earlier lack of clarity.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

NHS corridors are just long wards - with vending machines.

With no additional capacity, hospitals have been forced to improvise with their use of space; converting carparks into waiting rooms, skips into surgeries and toilets into executive office space, with unlimited flushing capacity. One NHS manager highlighted the benefits of a corridor: ‘You get lovely through draft and all the strip lighting you could desire. Patients will have choice of reclining on a trolley or on state-of-the-art floor tiles. And if the corridor gets filled up, we can always make use of air vents, cavities between walls and unblock a few drains.

‘Many patients feel isolated, but fortunately corridors provide a fantastic amount of footfall. Even the most jaded individual can’t help but be excited by the constant blur of faces and exposure to new germs.’

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Americans ‘proud’ of their craven submission to workplace bullies

In an otherwise divided America, workers have united to praise America’s feudal employment laws.

‘We’re not pussies like you Europeans’, said one American, probably called Brad or something. ‘We work hard, we play hard. If our manager wants to f*ck us up the ass – well, that’s the American way. Most Europeans wouldn’t survive a week in an American company.’

Most Europeans agree, citing such effete frivolity as employment law, the right to some kind of a life and self-respect, a concept which has yet to make it across the Atlantic.

Brad, or whatever his name is, disagrees: ‘Listen, if Elon – or any rich guy, basically – demands to know what I achieved last week so he can sack me on a whim – well, that’s what made America great.

Have you seen that picture of the guys sitting on a girder in the sky? That’s America. Scared of heights? So plummet to your death, weakling. We’ll applaud.

Britain used to be great, too – you had those chimney sweeps, they were fantastic. And I saw four guys from York Shire on the TV talking about living in a newspaper in a septic tank. I passed their details to HR – they sound like they’d fit right in here’.

Picture credit: Wix AI