- deskpilot
- Feb 21, 2025
In a surprising development, staunch Republican voters have turned against the vice president, JD Vance.
‘We thought he was a solid good ole boy,’ said one ageing Republican voter, who was sporting a MAGA cap and gold trainers. ‘He loves guns, hates immigrants, loves the church and hates unplanned pregnancies. An all American guy. But we can't believe he left the U S of A to go abroad, where all the foreigners are, and we can't forgive him for that. That's a rookie error – a mistake like Dan Quayle would've made.
‘There ain't no reason to go to foreign places, even if you're just going to be rude to dirty foreign politicians. Hell, we invented Zoom so we could flip off Johnny Foreigner without leaving home.
'We’ll allow the trip to Greenland, as it’s practically the 51st state already. And we’d allow a trip to Gaza, as it’s right in line to be the 52nd state. But that’s the limit.
'If JD thinks he can make America great again by leaving it, then he can stay abroad until he’s come to his senses.’
- Will
- Feb 20, 2025
Extracts from radio broadcasts of the Russian fishing fleet, have revealed a russian plot as terrifying as a evening with Gino Dicampo.
President Donald John Trump has been replaced by an doppelganger.
"The Don" was kidnapped,seduced by a leggy, superficial blonde dressed as a golf bag.
Following said blonde, Trump was lured into the bushes,on the 15th hole of Gleneagles before being clubbed over the head with a 3 Wood.
He was then replaced by "TRUMPNIK" A robot imposter direct from the Kremlin, controlled by the Vladimir Putins well disguised nipple rings.
The Russians or Soviets, (depending on how cartoonish you like to imagine them being) are delighted with TRUMPNIK and plan to continue using him to isolate, irrate and possibly iradiate, America's former allies and friends.
Whether it's bullying Greenland or Canada, treating Palestinians like American Indians, trusting Elon Musk or negotiating the end of a war without checking with the people fighting it TRUMPNIK continues to surprise.
The real Trump meanwhile finds himself in a red room with zigzag floors while a dwarf says that gum he likes is going to come back in style.