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Zelenskyy and Putin to find Totty for Trump




Fears are growing amongst friends and family of America’s First Lady Melania Trump ,nee Knauss,that the president intends filing for divorce and is actively seeking a fourth wife.



Rumours yet to be confirmed or denied by White House staffers are saying Trump is insisting that a new Ukrainian or Russian wife for him must be part of any American solution for peace in Ukraine.



His three stipulations are as usual, she must be young, pretty and have a lower command of English then he has.



Despite sacking Melania’s English teacher early in their marriage ,Trump has become more and more aware that his wife’s vocabulary far exceeds his own and that on the few occasions he allows her to speak in public, he and his MAGA followers struggle to understand her.



Trump’s second wife Marla Maples, after his failed marriage to Ivana Zeinickova, was in fact American. An actress and TV presenter. She later described being married to Trump as like living with a Twelve year old with a speech impediment and likened him to an excitable Red Setter,constantly looking for praise and attention. She wrote, if I told him he was a good boy he would jump on his bed, playing with his Golf balls and trying to lick his own nuts.




According to FBI files, Trump is no stranger to mail order brides and that he is in fact, Donny (,could have been a professional golfer) ,from Florida ,that has been banned from numerous Thai Mail order sites. With his IP address traced to the Mar-a-Lago area, Trump is alleged to have inundated hundreds of Thai women with unsolicited Dick Pics and a promise of the Best Marriage, the best marriage in history.



With his recent criminal convictions ,accusations of rape, sexual assault and flings with Porn stars, Trump is not worried about any adverse public reaction should he dump Melania and bring in an immigrant, as Trump has said many times, my supporters make up excuses for me.


‘Weight Watchers’ sinister rebrand - Just ‘Watchers’.



The dieting company has decided to ditch ‘weight’ from their name, in order to corner the market in slim-line voyeurs and svelte stalkers. A spokeswoman explained: ‘We’ve struggled with the whole weight-loss element but really nailed the bit about watching, judging and making passive aggressive comments.’


Participants will be encouraged to focus on staring at obese members, to intimidate them into dieting. For ‘watching’ to have its full impact, they will be using binoculars, night vision goggles and Chris Packham. 






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