The man was sitting on a bench killing time before catching the 21A back to his home in the Raverston Park area of the town when he first sniffed. A passer-by witnessed the sniff and immediately called the government emergency telephone number 444, set up for members of the citizenry to mandatorily use should they come across an incidence of public symptomology. Failure to inform on a sniffer will result in dismissal from work and legal penology.
The sniffer –‘Sniffer X- has been compounded in an unrevealed location while men in hamzat suits extract fluids from his experimental physiology, pending a lab report on his worth and viability as a human, going forward. Meanwhile, residents of Middlesborough expressed their gratitude to power. ‘Thanks to the lightning speed reactions of the authorities, I can sleep safely in the knowledge that Sniffer X might be dead tomorrow. But I will be fine.’
Pandemics occur when foreign bodies enter the human immune system and disrupt its regular uninfiltrated system of non-sickness before being passed on to people you don’t care for anyway. The sniffer had apparently paid no heed to years of clear instruction on how to be a pure body of antiseptic conformity. Many are calling for his capital punishment. ‘He didn’t follow the rules,’ said a resident holding a baby. ‘He must pay the price.’
Meanwhile, Lidl is still open. ‘We have no plans to close until official ministerial diktat. Our eggs and milk remain on sale.’ KFC also moved to qualm public fears that there might be a forestallation in the breadcrumbs supply chain. ‘So far we are still covering both boned and breast chicken pieces in breadcrumbs and a secret recipe nobody actually gives a shit about,’ said a spokesman, suppressing a sniff.
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