Where angels fear to tread

New Old Trafford stadium will 'be the best in League Two'

Manchester United’s owners have boasted that the futuristic mega structure that will become their new stadium will allow '100,000 people watch some desperately mediocre football for many years to come'.

One Manchester United fan said 'I personally cannot wait for teams like Accrington Stanley and the Dog and Duck Second XI to play in a stadium that is primarily a shopping centre and yet somehow also visible from space.'

'Manchester City might get relegated because of Financial Fair Play rules. United will get relegated the old fashioned way.'

Zuflaxizog, the pilot of a passing alien spaceship, fumed 'There is a lot of space debris around the Earth these days. Mostly footballs from errant Manchester United strikers. Hey, what’s the massive red circus tent? '

Photo by Nat Callaghan on Unsplash

UK temperatures set to exceed Corfu next week - according to MSM

Get your sun block ready, the temperature in parts of the UK - not your part, obviously, it never is - are set to exceed those in Corfu next week. 

Admittedly Corfu is looking like it is in line for a sh!t week weatherwise, but the point of dramatic headlines isn't to inform, it's to encourage click bait.  So hunt out those hot links, click like there is no tomorrow (which was last week's big headline and very nearly came true) and stock up on Viagra, soft porn and those amazing chairs that lift you up to a standing position with no obvious way of supporting yourself once there.  Don't forget to use your bank card details.

Photo by George Chandrinos on Unsplash