- Throngsman
- Mar 12, 2025
A spokesman from the Russian Federation has reported a version of the Ukraine peace plan that differs in some small details from the published version.
'Russia agrees to Ukraine ceasing all offensive and defensive actions for thirty days. Russia might even join in for thirty days, but not necessarily for thirty nights. Henceforth Russia agrees that Ukraine shouldn't be led to the negotiating table with her arms tied behind her back and blindfolded. The blindfold should be removed,' he said today.
Meanwhile the United States is claiming a huge success of the talks. 'What peace deal? We said piece deal, and the piece we want is the mineral piece,' said a US spokesperson, who because of the recent DEI ban is a spokesman, actually
Image:
'The very next person who calls me Moscow Donald, I'll sue them!' said Donald Trump, speaking from underneath his bearskin hat while sharing a tureen of borsch with Vladimir Putin and Sergei Lavrov.
'I'm not Moscow Donald and I never have been!' growled the quisling, downing vodka shots and reviewing T-72 tanks from the Kremlin walls.
'Just because I have billions of dollars tied up in building contracts in Russia, and they have a pee-pee tape in their vaults featuring me and a load of hookers, is no justification for uttering the words 'Moscow Donald',' insisted the traitor to Western civilisation.
'There, you see?' he said. 'I just said them again. I'll sue myself!' before he wandered off, whistling the Internationale.
Image: WixAI