Starmer hits out at Dissolution of the Monasteries

In his hardest-hitting tweet yet, Prime Minster Keir Starmer has criticised Henry VIII for his ‘uncalled-for, and frankly quite nasty’ conduct towards Catholics.

Starmer is believed to be gradually working his way through ‘bad things that have happened’ and is on course to finally do something about the Gaza genocide – for which Britain is an official Sponsor - ‘at some point in the late 21st or early 22nd century’, according to government sources.

Palestinian amputees, gradually wasting away as a consequence of the blockading of international aid, expressed gratitude that the horrors of the Dissolution were finally being recognised.

Picture credit: deep dream generator

"Strictly" to be Run With Reduced Budget This Year.

Winner: Sinnick

Runners-Up:

"'The Defenestration of Prague' as told through the medium of interpretive dance." (FlashArry);

"National Wallflower Society’s annual dance meet gets underway." (DickEveryman).

WWF place Conservative MPs on endangered species list

Despite a definite proclivity for procreation, Conservative MPs are believed to be seriously in decline.  While more than 300 are currently known to be in the wild, it is expected that within less than two years there may only be a handful left roaming the corridors of Westminster.  As a result the World Wildlife Fund has declared the Conservative MP to be an endangered species.

'Support the WWF and all the good work they do,' implored one of the few surviving Conservative MPs.  'Donate £3 a month to the WWF to help them continue to campaign and whatever else it is they do with the money.  If every voter in the land donated £3 a month to the WWF then they wouldn't need to run adverts with doe -eyed pandas ever again. Better still, donate it direct to the Conservative Party.  Yes, donate £3 a month to the Conservative Party, starting now.  Better still, make that £3 a day to the Conservative Party.  If every voter donated £3 to the Conservative Party I wouldn't have to worry about working ever again.  Better still, donate £3 a day to me, direct, in a brown envelope to save me worrying about tax,' he added.

A WWF spokesperson confirmed the endangered species element.  'No idea why they are becoming so rare,' he said.  

Image: Pixabay/aitoff

First published 26 May 2023

www.newsbiscuit.com

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