Doctors and nurses have been shocked to discover the PM's 'jolly' elbow bumps were all part of an elaborate mating ritual. Throughout the Covid crisis, Mr. Johnson has been trying to fertilise the nation, one Hospital at a time.
Supposed photo opportunities, were just an excuse to rub elbows and spread his Midwich seed. Complained one health professional: 'He didn't wear a mask or any other form of protection. And what about STD's? Clap for nurses takes on a whole different meaning.'
First published 11 Nov 2021
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'Hunting down and culling BBC director-generals is the one blood sport still legal in Britain,' bayed a Tory Party spokes-hound as the rest of his pack slavered and cackled at the fun to come, 'so we're going to make damned sure the next chase is especially gruesome.
'Tim Davie was a tricky one to catch. He was the greased pig of British broadcasting. We thought we'd got him on the Gaza documentary, and then the Bob Vylan chant at Glastonbury, but he slipped our clutch each time.
'The ideal person for us next to pursue and slaughter would be someone who has gained years of editorial and management experience at the very highest levels but who actually hasn't a clue what they are doing, and will blunder into any trap set for them.
'That's why we're pushing for Boris Johnson to get the job.'
Image: Mohamed_hassan - Pixabay