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US Congress to move to 2 day week

The US Congress has voted for shorter working hours.


Representatives feel that Congress is now irrelevant as the President does everything through Executive Orders, or by deploying the armed forces, or just by threatening stuff. Lawmaking is not needed any more and Congressmen and women have decided that they could use the extra time at home. Or play more golf. Or get a more productive job.


'Two days a week is fine,' said Jimmy 'The Rock' Salt (Republican, OK). 'There ain't much to do these days. Trump's doing it all from the Oval Office. Might as well be back home mowing my yard. And avoiding all the donors who got me into Congress. Cos that's embarrassing as hell. They paid all that money and I can't do squat.'


Andy Mann (Democrat, AI) agrees. 'We can't hold Trump to account. He's wrecking everything and there's nothing we can do. Hell, I'd stand as a Republican if I thought it would buy me some influence. We're in a full-on dictatorship now, worshipping the big orange god. I'm going to quit politics and start a boiler house operation to pump and dump BitCoin. It's time for me to sort out my retirement fund!'



Government running out of melodramatic analogies for future variants



Panic has set in at the highest levels of Government after it has become apparent they may have peaked too early with their overblown analogies for the spread of the Omicron covid variant.


After describing this newest outbreak as both a tidal wave and tsunami, essentially the same thing, they haven’t left themselves an awful lot of room when going completely over the top describing the remaining variants.


As Tom Gilbert, Minister for Overreaction, told us, “Omega should be the ultimate variant with descriptions to match. The Day After Tomorrow type event. Now, we’ve virtually done that with several variants still to go.”


With the Media relying on Whitehall for panic inducing headlines, it remains to be seen whether the Government can maintain hyperbole escalation for the next variant. Whatever their efforts though, the public knows it will just be Pi in the sky.



First published 29 Dec 2021


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