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Naturists claim Chinese cookery class ban is 'wokism' after being told to put some clothes on.


An elderly naturist couple have brought their local adult education college to a tribunal citing discrimination after they were barred from attending a Chinese cookery class unless they agreed to wear clothing.


Brian Buff, 86, and his wife Sheila, 84, say they were "humiliated" when the tutor explained that students were expected to wear aprons and sensible clothing when cooking with woks full of boiling oil.


'We're victims of naked prejudice,' said Brian. 'People hear the word "naturist" and immediately assume we're going to end up with third-degree burns to our tackle.'


"Well...," replied tutor Angela Roberts, "yes."


The couple went on to insist they have been preparing food while naked for decades without incident

'That's because you've mainly been making fishpaste and beetroot sandwiches,' said Roberts, before the chair of the committee adjourned the hearing for the weekend.


The case continues next week.



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'I was King in another world' claims Man with a van



A man with a van says he got more than he bargained for when doing a recent Billericay house clearance. Dave Collins claims he was magically transported to a fantasy land where he lived as King for two decades.


We caught up with Dave and his business partner Steve.


'There was this big wardrobe in a bedroom. So I opens the door, like, and next thing I'm standing in a snowy wood along with some little geezer a bit like a horse who tells me his world's going down the shitter and needs my help,' Mr Collins says.


He insists twenty years then passed during which he joined forces with a godlike talking lion named Alan to fight an evil Ice Queen, ending up leading an army of magical creatures in a fierce battle against her forces of evil.


'We offed the Ice Queen, I was crowned King, married this well-fit princess bird and was living happily ever after until one day I wandered into a room in my palace and the wardrobe was there. I touched the door and was suddenly back in Billericay.


'Steve says I'm talking bollocks because he'd only just shot down the chippy for five minutes to get us a couple of pies for lunch. So how could all that time have passed? But it's true. Honest.'


Sipping a coffee Steve comments: 'I know Dave swears this really did happen, but as I told him at the time. Maybe lay off the wacky backy when we're at work, mate?'


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First published 31 Jul 2023


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