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Farage denies doing wrong is wrongdoing


Nigel Farage has claimed his incredible complicated financial affairs are entirely transparent and above board 'assuming that the board is one of those making up the very bottom of the barrel and getting a felony wire fraud conviction is a phase that we all go through,', explained Mr Farage, 'and the idea that money given to me is is in some way a donation is ridiculous. Finally, I am sick of being portrayed as someone obsessed with making money.'


'Incidentally, am I being paid for this? Use my usual anonymous Swiss account and route it via a shell corporation in Grand Cayman. From there, buy me some Russian gold on the dark web and a bunch of crypto. Job's a good 'un.'


Image: WixAI



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Great Train Robbery 'Just an honest mistake'


A Public Enquiry into The Great Train Robbery has concluded that Ronnie Biggs and his friends 'inadvertently' took bags filled with cash believing them to be their own suitcases.


Britain’s Special Envoy to Colombia, Michael Gove, welcomed the exoneration. 'People are so quick to point the finger but these were just some innocent commuters who accidentally found themselves with vast quantities of loot. Well, I say vast – that was years ago, seems like a drop in the ocean nowadays'.


In other news police aren’t searching for a missing £10 billion or the people who took it, despite the fact there is a VIP lane leading all the way to their bank accounts. One detective said 'Like old fashioned bank robbers, they wore masks. Low quality PPE to be exact.'




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