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The Cambridge Dictionary people have decided to add the work skibidi to their dictionary. They define skibidi as ‘a word that can have different meanings, such as 'cool' or 'bad', or can be used with no real meaning as a joke’.


As the word is currently most popular with under-21’s, we’ve decided to see if we can broaden its appeal.  Here is our skibidi take on the peace negotiations between Russia and Ukraine:


Skibidi president, Donald Trump, is negotiating a skibidi deal with skibidi Russian president Vladimir Putin. A skibidi ceasefire has been proposed, although skibidi Russian forces continue to bomb the skibidi out of Ukraine, aiming to take out their skibidi civilian population and buildings. Straight out of Benjamin skibidi Netanyahu’s playbook.


European leaders have had their own skibidi discussions, and although they don’t have a plan, they do have a skibidi position - which is to moan and bitch at Donald skibidi Trump - but in a very positive and supportive way. The European leaders are worried that if they upset the skibidi president, he will impose more skibidi tariffs and their efforts will all be in the skibidi toilet.


So, as you can see, skibidi is a very useful word and its use can dramatically increase effective communication of the whole skibidi shooting match. Pun intended.


The only problem that we can foresee is that if everyone starts using the word skibidi a lot – including older folk – then the skibidi kids will drop it like a hot potato, and come up with some other new words to make them feel special and different.  And next time they might not let on what those words are.


Shocked face emoji, Skull emoji. Aubergine emoji. Have I got that last one right?




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The Metropolitan Police are investigating allegations of drug use on Strictly Come Dancing, in an attempt to discover how contestants manage to be so energetic on a Saturday evening after 14 costume changes and a paso doble.


An inquiry into alleged drug use on the show titled ‘Operation Glitterball’ was launched by the BBC earlier this month, after a producer found a suspicious white substance in a powder compact, and realised it wasn’t the Dior Illuminating Setting Dust they’d ordered from Amazon.


A BBC spokesman said, “We take these allegations seriously. The BBC maintains the highest standards of professionalism, even on shows where people routinely wear rhinestone-covered underwear on national television. Although to be honest, it’s difficult to distinguish ‘normal Strictly behaviour’ from ‘chemically enhanced Strictly behaviour’. If someone’s breakdancing on a revolving platform dressed as a lobster, it’s hard to tell if that’s drugs or just the Halloween special.”


This marks the latest in a conga-line of controversies for Strictly, which has recently been plagued by: two professional dancers departing after ‘allegations of misconduct’, which fans interpreted as ‘someone finally snapped during a rumba’; opera singer Wynne Evans making a sexualised remark during the live tour, as if all those annoying Go Compare ads weren’t bad enough; and the ongoing ‘Strictly Curse’, which remains unbeaten as the most reliable home-wrecker since Henry VIII.


One former contestant, speaking anonymously, said: “People think the Strictly Curse is about forbidden romance. Honestly, it’s about surviving 12-hour rehearsals on nothing but Red Bull, sequins, and increasingly poor life choices.”


Meanwhile, bookmakers are already taking bets on what scandal will hit the show next, with odds-on favourites including: a professional dancer defecting to Dancing on Ice ‘for a quieter life’, and a live wardrobe malfunction being declared a national emergency.


When asked if the show could survive yet another controversy, one BBC producer said, “Are you kidding? Strictly is a British institution. If anything, people will tune in hoping someone does a Viennese Waltz straight into rehab.”


Meanwhile, BBC executives were last seen Googling ‘can fake tan be classified as a Class A substance if inhaled aggressively?’ and ‘does glitter test positive on a drug swab?’




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AI-designed new super-antibiotics hailed as ‘game changers’ when it comes to treating diseases at contrasting ends of the spectrum are giving hope to the seriously ill, pox-ridden, and absent-minded everywhere.


‘Yeah; MRSA, whatever,’ said Steve Greevling, a serial adulterer from Harlesden. ‘But the clap? Anything that stops my wife asking difficult questions about why we’re both itching more than Prince Andrew during Huddersfield Uni freshers’ week shows AI has its priorities sorted.’


Further incongruous medication pairings close to gaining regulatory approval include tablets which treat both heart disease and that level of wheat intolerance you only remember when either the cakes or attention on offer falls short of expectations, capsules which cure sepsis while also reminding you which night to put the bins out, and pessaries proven to reverse symptoms of most major cancers and any VAR decisions you don’t like.


‘Exponential technological advances might be hastening the inevitable end of humanity,’ agreed Steve, cheerily; ‘But if these lads can prevent my ring blazing like a Corbieres hillside every time I strain, our subjugation by emotionless robot overlords can’t come quickly enough. Especially those sexy-sounding ones.’




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