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Writers of the hit scripted reality show “Selling Washington” have been criticised for resorting to stereotypes by having the show’s two biggest bitches, Donella and Elonia, fall out with each other.


“We’ve seen it a million times in shows like this,” complained cultural commentator Lorna Putz. “Two permatanned, overly made up airheads, who obsess about their appearance but somehow still manage not to be attractive, start out as friends but soon have a huge falling out and start sniping at each other. Don’t the writers realise what an insulting stereotype that is?”


The writers retorted that the show is only showing a heightened version of who these people really are. “It’s not like they’re actors, playing characters who are nothing like them. They don’t remotely have the talent for that.


“Besides, it’s what the public want. All the way back to Dynasty having to include at least one catfight in every season, as it sent the ratings through the roof like nothing else.”


Asked whether this meant we’d be seeing Donella and Elonia coming to blows in a future episode, the writers laughed and said “Well, we might not want to take it that far. I mean, one of them has a nuclear arsenal, the other a fleet of space rockets. If they really got down to it, I’m not sure there’d be anyone left to watch.


“No, we’re thinking more of a plotline where one of them starts palling around with Kimjongunia to make the other one jealous.”


image from lockjaw


It was admitted today, even by his most ardent fans, that Wes Anderson has been rereleasing the same movie over and over again for his whole career.


“It started as a genuine mistake with my second movie, Rushmore. Somehow the studio accidentally sent out a print of Bottle Rocket, a movie I’d made a couple of years before. I was bracing myself for complaints, but in fact all the reviews were very positive, commenting on the visual style which they said was fast becoming a Wes Anderson trademark.


“It got me wondering how far I could push this, so a few years later I released it again as The Royal Tenenbaums. Again, raves across the board, especially for my ‘distinctive visual aesthetic’. I mean, didn’t anyone notice the actors and the script were exactly the same?


“What really makes me laugh is when they talk about how more and more famous actors appear in my movies these days, even in tiny roles, which they think shows how everyone wants to work with me. They’re the same damn actors! They just weren’t famous in the 90s when I started out.”


Critic and long time Wes Anderson groupie Mark Kermit wasn’t at all embarrassed by the revelation, saying if anything it made him feel better about having written the same gushing review every time.


image from pixabay



As the summer holiday season approaches, many Brits will be looking forward to getting away from the drudgery of moaning about the current state of the country and heading towards the sunny climate of Spanish resorts. However, holidaymakers have been warned to prepare to possibly be disappointed upon hearing the harrowing tale of one Tenerife holidaymaker who was forced to sample the local cuisine on her all inclusive holiday.


"When I go abroad, I don't want much" stated Eileen McKipling, 63. have a very simple list of things I want to experience; sunbathing, drinking alcohol, lying by the pool I never swim in, on a sun lounger I woke up at 6am to reserve, murdering I Will Survive on the karaoke and possibly getting a shag off one of the bartenders. The last thing I want to do is to sample the local culture, so you can imagine my shock when I went to get a meal and instead of having fish and chips I was served something called a Tortilla."


Eileen had hoped that this would be a one-off, but would soon be proven wrong "I thought maybe their cooker had packed up and they had to serve their own stuff, and I would look forward to a battered sausage or the like the next day. But no, once again we were given Spanish muck that I can't even pronounce. Just horrible. When I go on a holiday, the most adventurous I want to get is to go looking for an English pub when I fancy a Yorkshire pudding dinner."


"The worst part is when they gave me this awful soup they called Gazpacho. Clearly they couldn't be bothered to turn the oven on as it was stone cold."


image from pixabay


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