Neighbours furious with NHS worker as it turns out he's a bit of an arse

Neighbours of NHS worker, Colin Wheatley, are furious that their "local hero" is a total dick.

Colin, 37, of Moseley, an NHS nurse with 12 years experience has really disappointed local residents with his grumpy disposition and ignorant manners.

"I can't believe it" Brian Wells told our reporter. "He moved in just as lockdown started and we were all really proud to have a proper, real NHS nurse living on our street. We were out there every Thursday, banging our pots and pans and clapping like there's no tomorrow, just for him."

"We were so excited and proud. We were scared to leave the house and there he was, every day, bravely going off to save lives. A true hero. Then it all went wrong. My kids kicked their ball over his fence a few times and he asked them to stop doing it. They're just kids. Grumpy bugger!"

Ivy Reynolds told us, "I would wave my rainbow flag at him as he passed my house and I even baked a pie for him. My grandchildren even chalked "NHS Hero" on the pavement outside his house. But then everything changed. One day he knocked over my bin with his car and another time, last summer. he was playing really loud music in his garden. This was only a week after he complained about my grandkids making too much noise in the garden because he was on nights."

""I bloody clapped for you!" I told him but he wasn't even listening. He's become a real nightmare."

Mr Wheatley was unavailable for comment.

Everything changes but poo - Snowdon's stra-turd-gy for growth

Welsh tourism chiefs have revealed that the sheer volume of doodoo on Snowdon is no accident - although some will have been accidents.

A spokeswoman said 'The more poop there is, the higher the mountain gets. Snowdon is top in Wales, but barely wipes the top 20 once you include the Scottish Highlands. We don't want to be turd or number 2 either, but we need 260m of faeces to catch Ben Nevis. Everything in our gift shop contains slow-acting laxatives. You've got enough time to get to the summit - nature does the rest.'

Derek Drummond from the Guinness Book of World Records said 'Total shithouses - actually I don't feel so good.'

Jesus Only Given Two-Star AirBnB Rating

There was consternation across Nazareth today as it was revealed that Top AirBnB host in the region Joseph of Arimathea only gave Jesus a guest score of two stars following his three-day stay in a property on the outskirts of Jerusalem.

According to the comments left by the businessman, while Christ was a quiet guest, he not only returned to the property after checkout time and interrupted the staff, he also left the sheets badly stained with an outline of his body, and - most concerning to Joseph - left the front door wide open when leaving.

In Galilee, Jesus was nonplussed about the low score given and how it might affect future stays using the platform, 'It's not that big a deal,' he said. 'I'm only using the thing while travelling round as an alternative to sofa-surfing. I've got a dozen or so friends who I can always crash with, and I'm only really in the area for another 40 days until I head home.'