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Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month May 2026

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
May 31


Deskpilot has romped home this month with what I suspect is an all-time high score. Jeremynh has come second with a score that some months would be enough to win the title!


As usual the cartoon of the month is below the leaderboard, followed by every headline published in May




Front Page, News in Brief and Features





bbi



billclay




Chrisf



Dante



Deskpilot
























Dominic_mcg






eppursimuove







Gerontius



herculepoisson



ian searle






jeremynh



















Lockjaw



Modelmaker




Newsbiscuit




Newsbiscuit Editorial Team



Paul L



rogt





Scottfutile



SteveB




stewartbarclay



Sully



Throngsman






Titus



Walter Eagle



Wrenfoe











Cartoons published in May were submitted by: Deskpilot, Lockjaw and Modelmaker


Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw with C'mon, Zack Polanski, get your sh*t together


Headlines


adrian bamford 


Scotland declares independence from SNP

Sturgeon assumed luxury motorhome was part of Amazon Prime free trial


apepper             


Yale and Chubb welcome EU key proposals


ashberry            


Channel 4 cancels pilot of Arranged Marriage At First Sight UK


bigbadbob         


Jimmy Krankie never questioned being given £400k of sweets and comics


Deskpilot           


Brown and Harman explain to Keir how they resigned

Cowboy with electric car has range anxiety

Eight cures for constipation - number two will surprise you

Eight ways to break your addiction to clickbait...

Harried At First Sight

Keir wanted change. Off you go then

Knockoff Films presents: The Devil Wears Primark

Massive TACO sighted in the Strait of Hormuz

New Strictly hosts: first scandal expected by Sunday

Officials remove Andy Burnham's towel from front bench

Polanski dodged Council Tax. Greens to merge with Tories

Polanski used hypnotism to increase the size of his vote

Reform's millions will crush Andy Burnham's election plan

Small child very worried about the Santavirus

Starmer: I'm in a hole, but I'm going to dig deep

Sturgeon: he said the coffee machines were from Argos

The King's Speech Live! not as good as the film

Trump desperately pretends that peace is imminent

Trump says crap deal with Iran is brilliant

Unexpected wins for Reform at the BAFTAs


dominic_mcg    


Orange-faced cruise passenger may have Fantavirus

Suspended Sunderland councillor just not racist enough, says Reform


granger 


How long can he go on Starming?

Keir planning 'work event' piss-up for Arsenal

Time running out for Swatch watches


holeyloci           


Blair unites Labour: all agree he should f*** off


ian searle          


Britain's Got Talent is a reminder that it hasn't

German YouTuber places towel on hill at 6am to retain cheese rolling title

King dismisses bird pooh incident, "It's no worse than Andrew, or Harry have done"

Starmer admits Labour has made "unnecessary mistakes' leaving voters wondering which were necessary

UK unemployment rate unexpected to rise by at least one after the Makerfield by-election         


Jeremynh


BBC to publish photos of Poles outside dogging stations

Dead Keir walking


joe        


Local racist disputes being a Reform voter

Russian oil sanctions on slippery slope

Terrorism threat increased to "Yes"


mcdabble          


Burnham to be offered third least unsafe Labour seat

Burnham's critics say you don't get change in a cashless society

Five-party system is broken, say experts

Hanta Chance of Spreading

Hormuz War: Trump Seeks Closure

Judge decides not to criminalise rapists

NEETs to be allocated a pothole to fix

NEETs will only join workforce when it pays more than dealing, say experts

Starmer declares unilateral ceasefire for local elections

Starmer govt still struggling to please everyone

Trump threatens to withdraw troops from New York

Urgent calls for more spending on trebuchets

US says Iran is losing the ceasefire

War with Iran is over, says Trump. Unless its not


Modelmaker    

 

Girls are loud, says Nicola Roberts on birth of her daughter

New Universal theme park will accept universal credit vouchers

Peter Murrell struggling to decide on his luxury item for Desert Island Discs

Starmer seen leaflet dropping for Reform in Makerfield


Paul L   


Divorced accountant back dating


rowly   


Bloodhounds now to be trained to follow Brylcream..

Welsh museum to display "The boyo Tapestry"


Sir Lupus          

 

'Project freedom' renamed 'Operation Hokey-Cokey'


steveb  


Cuba prepares for Bay of Fat Orange Pigs

Trump signs executive order to have JR Ewing unshot


stewartbarclay  


Wes Streeting - for when you find Keir Starmer a bit too dynamic


sydalg  


Man who died of diarrhoea to be buried in pooper's grave


Throngsman 

     

New Reform councillors to commence resigning Saturday


Titus     


Failure to treat outbreak of tombola in DRC is gambling with people's lives

Met police set up special areas where violent protesters can be sterilised

Nigel Fromage likely to be the new big cheese in British politics

Scottish independence - 'If at first you don't secede, try, try & try again'

There are lies, damned lies and Truth Social

Water companies complacent as consumers say 'No pressure'


tonymc 


Brexit's 20 % drop in food prices. Any minute now. Really

Daily Mail blames Corbyn for Eurovision failure

Green Leader attacks police in desperate need for attention.

Man City search for new Head of Referee payments

Murrell qualifies for Reform shadow cabinet

Pundits agree Guadiola's skill with a cheque book unmatched.

Reform deny candidates have Bile infusions

Trump advises Starmer to start a war

UK: a Christian country with not many actual Christians

University offers new course: Understanding Student loans

Would be Trump assassins now need to book a slot

Yaxley-Lennon demands Farage share out £5m racist money




Best of NewsBiscuit: May 2025

Writer: NewsBiscuit
NewsBiscuit
May 11


May 2025


Back in May 2025. the Reform Party won 677 council seats out of around 1,600 up for grabs. Sound familiar? And a Chinese player beat the British player in the World Snooker final. Déjà vu?

And Council Tax went up by 5% and inflation went up. Is 2026 just 2025 on repeat? And the Bank of England cut interest rates. OK. Maybe not.


In the UK, the government announced 1,400 early prisoner releases so that we could punish more recent crimes, and Keir Starmer made one of his famous U-turns, this time on winter fuel payments. The government was under pressure on the two child benefit cap, but artfully delayed any action until November. And Britain signed a deal to hand over the Chagos Islands to Mauritius. That went well.


In international news, Europe (and a few Americans) celebrated the 80th Anniversary of VE Day. And the UK agreed a ‘transformational’ trade deal with India – remember that? We’ve all certainly noticed the difference.


Here is a selection of our favourite NewsBiscuit stories from May 2025. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


Politics


Lifestyle


Entertainment


Other news


And some headlines


Politics

Trump claims crowds still booing Biden

Boris Johnson strongly supports Farage's plan to lift two-child benefit cap

Assisted Dying bill slipping away

Trump blasts corrupt Eurovision as US fails to win yet again

Two-child benefit cap to be scrapped, but third child to be taxed from six months

Digging gets underway to find Tories latest poll rating


Business and the economy

Bistro closes because all its servers are down

Deal to bring back MFI stores falls apart

Four in 10 universities face financial challenges - that's over 75%

Man puts tanning salon plans on the back burner

Struggling blinds company told - 'pay up or it's curtains'

New reservoir plans don't hold water


Other nonsense

Games teacher mistakenly celebrates the 80th Anniversary of P.E. Day

Police concerned over early prisoner release of former colleagues

Undercover officer still in bed

"Call The Midwife" film announcement premature, says BBC

Generous chimney seller tells customer: "It's on the house."

Mexican Navy ship crashes while captain looking for Gulf of Mexico on US map

Posh lady distraught after catching a common cold

Kid who swallowed magnets left in A&E on the fridge door



Image credit: deep dream generator

Horoscopes for May, by the wise old woman of the woods

Writer: Lockjaw
Lockjaw
May 1

Aries


Comet Cajetan-P45 features prominently on your chart. The comet is low in the heavens, signifying financial challenges ahead. These may be related to your job, your savings, your addiction to slot machines, a police matter, tariff changes, your overdraft, bailiffs, maintenance payments, unexpected bills or a tax demand. Or all of these at once.


Taurus


The mysteries of life all have a perfectly simple explanation so tell the truth to yourself. You know how the stain got on the duvet.


Gemini


A fairly unique set of circumstances will permit you to cancel your Netflix account without a series of cajoling / begging / threatening phone calls, emails and text messages.


Emboldened by your success, you will try a similar process on an old phone contract taken out by you in your daughter's name. You may be pushing your luck there.


Cancer


You will bring tears of laughter to friends and family this month. Maybe cutting your own hair after a bottle and a half of wine wasn't such a great idea. Still, it'll grow back.


Leo


The good news is that you are finally getting the recommended amounts of probiotics, probiotics and fibre in your diet. The bad news is that you should aim at all times to be very close to a toilet.


Virgo


Your predictions this month are 110% true. We can guarantee this as we have been through the due process agreed by the Combined College of Sages, Mystics and Seers. And your predictions were also recommended to you by all your senior advisors, although some of them have since recanted. And we should say that some sections of the press are not convinced either. Anyway, the main predictions are that you will experience dissent, challenges and aggravation at work from friends and foes alike. And you're going to get wiped out in the May elections. Sorry about that, Keir


Libra


In the near future, Oboes will be become an incredibly important part of your life. Prepare now. Ignore the cornet, no matter how tempting, it's just a distraction.


Scorpio


As the Sun enters Scorpio, your love life will begin a distinctly fallow period. Yes, word got around after you were spotted exiting the STD clinic.


Sagittarius


Just because it feels right doesn't mean it is right : and in this case, it is so, so wrong you risk prosecution and worse.


Stop it, stop it right now or I'll pass your details on to the Police and/or local vigilante groups. Disgusting


Capricorn


You will experience a life-changing moment when you meet a tall, dark strangler. No, that's not a spelling mistake. Sorry about that!


Aquarius


A lot of money will  be heading your way this month. Unfortunately, it will be inside an armoured van. I suggest not checking messages on your phone whilst out walking this month.


Pisces


You've been rumbled, your cover is blown. Grab the emergency bag and head for the ferry port. Bon chance.



Contributors



Deskpilot: Aries, Leo, Virgo


Flasharry: Gemini, Pisces,Sagittarius


lockjaw: Aquarius Cancer, Capricorn,


Simonjjames: Libra, Taurus,


Sydalg: Scorpio

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