With Rishi Sunak poised to become the new prime minister, which is what would have happened 6 weeks ago anyway if the fate of the country hadn’t been left in the hands of a deluded minority of rabid gammons, the 1922 Committee have reached out to Men in Black agents to ask for their help in making the electorate forget that the whole Liz Truss debacle ever happened, an anonymous source confirmed. Their plan to deploy a memory erasing ray on the nation was thwarted however, when a representative from Men in Black informed the Committee that unfortunately, there is not a neuralyzer in existence powerful enough to block out the catalogue of catastrophic cock ups that have occurred over past month and a half, nor will one ever be invented in future.
The Downing Street source went on to explain, “The Committee were told that whilst neuralyzers work fine for wiping out memories about trivial things such as alien invasions, they simply aren’t designed to cope with the magnitude of Liz Truss sending a meteorite crashing into the UK economy. Something to do with the cosmic ripples being too strong apparently.”
The 1922 Committee are now said to be exploring other options, including beating themselves over the head repeatedly with their briefcases until they lose consciousness, and harnessing the power of collective denial. One member was reportedly seen wandering aimlessly around the House of Commons in a semi-concussed state and was overheard saying to confused bystanders, “Damn good job Rishi is doing, so glad the Tory members voted for him to replace Boris instead of that stupid woman –what was she called….Lisa something…?”, before running into the nearest gents and stuffing his head down the toilet.
First published 25 Oct 2022
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